STAGE 8 - There is no other side of grief...
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The holidays here were not merry and bright the last few years. We kept it simple, just the two of us, but it was OK. Now, I'm facing my first holiday season without him and it's harder than I imagined. I'm filling my space with female family and friends for a Thanksgiving day of football, food and crafting. The closer it gets, the more the tears are flowing.
What are you all doing to get through this season without your love? (My phone reminded me that last Friday was our 36th anniversary.)
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Have the holidays and her birthday coming up over the next month since she left us about 4 months ago. Not looking forward to it. Will do my best to attend holiday dinners and keep it together but the family knows I might arrive and bail soon or bail before I get there. Not attending will be tough for them I know but getting there and breaking down will be worse and ruin their holiday moreso. Just try to focus on keeping things light and hope for gosh sake they do not have an empty seat set at the table. We were unable to attend any holiday, birthday or other events over the past few years due to her condition.
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My husband left us 10 days ago. It was not the ending I thought we would face as he died following a fall; I wrote about it a few days ago. Thank you all for the thoughts and feelings about grief and your reactions to my loss. My heart is very heavy…the grief from his death seems like a leaden weight around my heart and so much worse than the sadness of not living with him, having him in memory care was so painful and difficult but not like this final goodbye. Your words about your losses, your grief have helped me not feel so empty and alone. Today I sat on the floor of the bedroom he used as his study and our little dog curled up beside me. Some how in that room I felt comfort. I am learning from you all ways to manage this grief and I am so sorry for all our losses.
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Thanksgiving is 2 days away. I have friends coming for an easy day of football, simple food, crafts... I just want to cancel now. It sounded good a week ago when we hatched this plan, but now it just feels overwhelming. I'd prefer to sleep late, curl up with my cat in front of the fire, and just be alone.
How are you all getting through this season? Hubby loved the holidays and I miss his excitement for it all. Not sure how to do this.
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I feel the same but am putting one foot in front of the other as my Mom used to say. I am going through the motions. I do need family around me so I’m really trying. Recently I forced myself to attend a reunion with my husband’s buddies he served with and their wives. I was dreading it but so glad I went. The wives were so supportive. The friendship and hugs helped me so much. There were tears but there were also memories of past reunions that helped me remember what a great guy I married. I’m hoping Thanksgiving will be the same. Keeping the tissues handy and I have a plan if I need a break. Hugs. 💜
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Thank you for your response. Your posts have helped me through all the stages and you're still helping me navigate stage 8.
I think I sometimes imagine the worst and I'm pleasantly surprised when it turns out to be ok. I'm hoping that will be the case this time.
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Thanksgiving plans disintegrated and I'm glad they did. The thought of having people over was overwhelming me. It was a good, quiet day at home and the next day I went to a play with friends. No stress.
Now, Christmas is looming and, once again, I'm missing the holidays my DH and I used to enjoy. I've scheduled an appointment with my therapist in a few days. Spending a lot of time numbing myself with TV and junk food.
How do you get yourself moving again once you find yourself stuck in this dark place?
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Jim Carrey once said: Grief is not just an emotion—it’s an unraveling, a space where something once lived but is now gone. It carves through you, leaving a hollow ache where love once resided.
In the beginning, it feels unbearable, like a wound that will never close. But over time, the raw edges begin to mend. The pain softens, but the imprint remains—a quiet reminder of what once was. The truth is, you never truly "move on." You move with it. The love you had does not disappear; it transforms. It lingers in the echoes of laughter, in the warmth of old memories, in the silent moments where you still reach for what is no longer there. And that’s okay.
Grief is not a burden to be hidden. It is not a weakness to be ashamed of. It is the deepest proof that love existed, that something beautiful once touched your life. So let yourself feel it. Let yourself mourn. Let yourself remember.
There is no timeline, no “right” way to grieve. Some days will be heavy, and some will feel lighter. Some moments will bring unexpected waves of sadness, while others will fill you with gratitude for the love you were lucky enough to experience.
Honor your grief, for it is sacred. It is a testament to the depth of your heart. And in time, through the pain, you will find healing—not because you have forgotten, but because you have learned how to carry both love and loss together
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my Dad passed away at 44 yrs old and left my Mom a young widow. Later I asked her how she got through it. She said by putting one foot in front of the other. That’s what I’m doing. I make a list everyday of things I can do to stay busy and things I can do to honor my husband’s memory. I do jigsaw and crossword puzzles to keep my mind busy so I don’t think. It’s not easy. I also use a technique I learned from a grief support site. It’s called Thought Stopping. You can search for it. Sometimes it helps.
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I saw my life as I knew it forever change when in the journey of anticipatory grief of dementia, but it is now forever changed since my DH passing.
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Thank you. I googled this and I'm going to give it a try.
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I love this quote. Thank you.
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mine too. 😢💜
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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