Lost My Father Tragically - Learning How to Move Forward

ForeverDaddysGirl · December 2025

Hi everyone,
My father died as a result of dementia. During the night, he became confused and unsafe, something dementia had been causing more and more often. He left the house, and by the time my mother found him in the morning, it was too late.

Writing that still feels unreal.

What I am struggling with most now is guilt. I keep thinking I should have protected him, should have foreseen this, should have stopped it somehow. As his daughter, my instinct was always to keep him safe—and accepting that I couldn’t feels unbearable.

Some days I feel relief that his suffering has ended, and other days I feel consumed by sadness, guilt, or the quiet emptiness he left behind.

If anyone has navigated guilt after losing a loved one to dementia—especially after a traumatic passing—I would appreciate hearing what helped you find even a small measure of peace.

Thank you for listening and for understanding this kind of loss.

Quilting brings calm · December 2025

A lot of us have guilt. Undeserved guilt, but still guilt. Your mom and you did your best. Human beings still have to sleep, shower, eat. We can’t realistically monitor our loved ones every minute of the 24/7/365 days.

The other thing I want you to know is that many of us pray for an off ramp that will take our loved ones before they reach stage 7 - very late stage dementia. I know your dad’s death was traumatic and you don’t know exactly what happened while he was wandering - but he did avoid suffering for years longer.

ForeverDaddysGirl · December 2025

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/261001#Comment_261001

Thank you. We have an idea of what happened - I just wish I could have got to him, locked more windows. Something. I also believe he was in late stage dementia (there was no official diagnosis, just recognizing symptoms and talks with his PCP). I just want him here with me, no matter what. Selfish I know.

SDianeL · December 2025

So sorry about your Dad. Many of us experienced perceived guilt. Did we do enough to care for our LO? It feels like it’s never enough. Give yourself grace. You are human. You are grieving. It will take time. His suffering is now over. Remember the good times before dementia. If you’re not already I would suggest seeing a grief counselor. There is an organization called Grief Share. They have online support groups and in person support groups at local churches. One thing that helped me after my husband’s death was to make a list of things I can do to honor his memory. On his birthday I donated to the Alzheimer’s Assn. He was a veteran so I also do things for veterans. I will pray for your comfort and peace. Hugs. 💜

Lost My Father Tragically - Learning How to Move Forward

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