Son of an Elderly Father with Alzheimers

Hello mo77. I have been in a similar position except it is my mom with ALZ and an elderly dad caring for her for approximately ten years until he passed last year. It is hard to watch as they both struggle. Yes, it sucks. A lot.

Just a side comment, I commend you and your family for taking the steps to get a diagnosis of the condition. It means you can more confidently make plans armed with full awareness as the condition runs its course. (My parents refused to get an official diagnosis.)

As far as what I've done to cope, one ongoing component is finding ways to manage my worry and heartbreak. Ideally, I keep a level head and not let emotions take over, but things are rarely ideal. For that, finding support from others on a forum like this who will listen, understand and share thoughts and practical ideas on whatever current issue you are dealing with has been a lifesaver many times.

In my area, there is an in-person ALZ support group that meets each month. I have attended those a few times and again find that people share useful ideas and just lend a listening ear. I believe there is a link on this site to locate one in your area if that is any interest to you.

Others will chime in with feedback too. As the disease runs its course, your parent's needs will change. Yours will too. You will grow, learn and adapt throughout this journey.

As far as how to support your parents, I found that using online delivery for groceries, medications and meals was helpful because it was one less task my dad had to deal with. I created a profile and managed those things remotely. I also hired a house cleaning service who also was willing to throw in a load of laundry and change bedsheets as part of their service. It helped my dad for a while, but then he found it too intrusive and I think he was "too proud" to accept help.

One last thing…if your mom is your dad's primary caregiver and they are living in their own home - perhaps also keep an eye out on your mom's wellbeing too. Look for signs of overwhelm. The last year when my parents were living in their own home is when my dad began showing "obvious" signs of decline himself that I had overlooked and wish I had realized sooner.

Everyone says take care of yourself, but it is true. Do what you can to maintain your own life and keep up with healthy habits physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Prioritize sleep, exercise and nutrition. Take time to lose yourself in a hobby or activity on occasion so you get a mental rest from the stress periodically. Sometimes, just breathe and pace yourself.

welcome. So sorry about your Dad. We cope by learning all we can about the disease and how to care for our loved ones the best we can. It’s a heartbreaking disease. We come here often for info, support or to vent. Find ways to support your Mom. Her mental and physical health depends on it. Hire help for everything you can. Groceries, housekeeping, yard work. Stay with your Dad so she can take a break. Have a Plan B for long term care. Develop it now. Come here often. We understand how you feel.