New to Memory Care

Bowerbird · February 6

MY DH just moved into MC three days ago. He has now not eaten in 24 hours and is refusing his meds. He sometimes wanders around the unit but cannot find his room to return to. He asks those who come into his room to leave. The nurse tell me this is standard behavior for new residents and that there are others in the MC going through the same thing, which gives me perverse relief, knowing it is not unusual. But it probably stresses out the staff and he picks up on that. They are still recommending that I not visit yet, which I can understand. But it is excruciating to go through this, as I'm sure it is for him. He has been at home with me as his sole caregiver for a few months now and is attached at the hip to me, so that probably makes this situation even worse. I know he is safe and being watched over, but they cannot force him to take his meds (I suggested putting them in applesauce or pudding) or to eat. I suppose he will eat when he is finally hungry. I guess it is a waiting game, so to speak, but it is the hardest thing I've ever been through and I hope he begins to adjust soon.

Momx3 · February 6

My heart breaks for you!! I know eventually I will be you when I have to transition my DH from home to MC. The thought of having to do that actually almost makes me physically ill. We have been married 45 years.

BPS · February 6

My wife has been in memory care for almost two years and she often times still don't know where her room is and there are others in the building the same way. The people that work at the facilities are for the most part very patient caring people. From what you say it sounds like he is doing pretty good. It is hard to suddenly be in an empty house while worrying about your spouse, but you are doing what is best for both of you.

annie51 · February 6

You’re right about it being excruciating waiting to visit. Take the time while you’re waiting to get things done that you couldn’t do when you were joined at the hip. That helped me feel a little sense of freedom before I started visiting regularly. What you’re describing are normal behaviors for a new resident and well trained caregivers are used to handling these types of things, and worse. Hopefully he will eventually eat, even if it’s in his room and not in the dining room. They had to crush meds for my DH and put in chocolate milk, fruit punch, pudding or applesauce. They just kept trying different things until they found one that worked. Hang in there…you did the right thing!

SiberianIris · February 6

Give it time. Moving is hard for everyone, so expect it to be especially hard for someone with dementia. My mom has been in MC for 6 months, and she is doing well. She participates in most of the activities and seems brighter and happier than when she was at home with 24/7 caregivers.

It took about a month for her to adjust, and she had to have a mood stabilizer added to her med regimen for a short time. The first few visits were hard, but each one got better. She started forming friendships with the staff and some of the residents. A few months in, she was no longer asking when can she can go home, but will sometimes ask if I can drive her to see her house. I usually answer "Sure, we'll go next time." and change the subject.

Based on what I've seen with my mom, I've told my husband if I get dementia, to please put me in MC sooner rather than later.

Bowerbird · February 6

Thank you everyone for for your heartfelt responses. They really help me to cope for another day and give me hope. He only ever wanted to be with me and though I do not know if he is missing me, his world has turned upside-down and I can only imagine how disorienting and scary it is.

I remember once taking a walk when on vacation through an unfamiliar overseas city. I became disoriented and couldn't figure out which way I had come. I forged through and made it back to my hotel, but I keep getting flashes of that and how nervous I became. I truly hope my DH is not feeling that way.

BPS · 12:13AM

I doubt he is feeling the way you did on your vacation. His mind is not working the same. He is probably looking for familiarity and the care givers smile and have pleasant voices so he will find that familiarity with them soon and be alright. My wife smiles just as much or more when some of the caregiver come into her room as she does when I come in.

New to Memory Care

Comments

Commonly Used Abbreviations

Community Guidelines

Categories