First time posting.

Was the driving test performed by your department of motor vehicles or was it a private test? I believe by refusing to sign the paperwork doesn't dismiss the results. If it was through your department of motor vehicles I believe they can pull his license to drive. If it was a private firm can you have your department of motor vehicles perform the test? Or, ask them on how to proceed.

My wife had to small accidents fairly close together and our insurance canceled our policy. For me to be able to get any insurance we had to show that she had given up her license. If his second accident was just last week you might call the insurance company and ask how this accident will affect your insurance and the rates. Don't mention the dementia, I think that might lead to them not covering this accident. If they cancel your policy and he gives up his license you would be able to get insured separately without his accident counting against you. Just an idea to consider, see what ideas other may have.

I just went thru this with my DH. He is the same age with a relatively recent MCI/Alzheimers diagnosis. He took the written part of the driving test and had to sign the paperwork first stating his license would be revoked if he failed the written portion. And if he failed the written portion he would not go on to the driving part. He said “well why would I want to take this test then?” She left the room for him to think about it saying it had to be his decision and he didn’t have to sign if he didn’t want to. He also has anosognosia. He decided to sign and failed the test. He refused to give up his license but others in the family came down hard on him about not being able to be insured and possibility of hurting someone if he continues driving. I recommend getting other family to talk to him. He has still refused to turn his license in but has not driven and today we donated his car to charity. Both our names were on the registration so we both had to go to the RMV to cancel the car registration. He did agree to turn in his license at the RMV but they had no one available to do the other ID. This agreement took well over a month of not driving. So we will do that later. What I have found is that it is a process and does NOT happen over night. DH is still angry about it. he feels he passed the test. Asks me “when are you taking the test… when will they revoke your license?” . The anger was extreme initially but less so now.He told the neurologist he was a good driver and the neurologist replied “I’m not interested in your past driving, it’s your future I’m worried about”. I would do everything you can to prevent him from driving. After family called and spoke to him I just said I’m taking your keys. It was tough and he was furious and constantly yelled at me to return them. I tried distraction or just went to walk the dogs. I know how hard this is on you and a big loss for them but hold firm. I wish you well. As an FYI neither I nor my kids would ride with him long before he got the initial diagnosis. Getting family involved helped take some of the heat off of me, because just my voice was not getting thru to him. Good luck .

Welcome. This is a tough one. After my DH took the test with the Neuro Psychologist, she called me and said he should no longer be driving. She said he had visuospatial difficulties regarding speed and distance and it was urgent I get him to stop driving. She said since he had a diagnosis of dementia in his medical records, if he was in an accident even if it wasn’t his fault the insurance could refuse to cover it and we could be sued and lose everything. I sat my DH down and told him what the doctor said. The next morning he handed me his keys and never drove again. I told him that I would now be his personal chauffeur. That helped the mood. If you can’t get him to agree, disable the car and hide the keys or have it moved to a family members house. Don’t delay. He could kill himself or someone else. Your responsibility is to keep him safe. You will face many decisions like this in this heartbreaking journey. So sorry you are going through this. We understand.

@sbf I answered your post in the other sub-forum. So this comment is just to let you know it is ok to post in any of the forums here. The caring long distance and the after death sub forums don’t get much traffic, but the rest are probably checked by people every time they come to the site.

Hi @sbf

So sorry you are in this awful situation. Driving was a real issue for my DH for MANY months. Lots of anger, agitation, and stress on both of us.

You’ve gotten good advice from others. I hid the keys and each time he wanted to go somewhere I offered to drive. I think he finally got used to this tactic and he only demands the keys rarely. Other things I’ve heard is hide the car at a neighbors or with the kids. Have someone disable the car so it won’t start. Make sure he doesn’t have access to means to buy a new car. You cannot reason with a person whose ‘reasoner is broken’. Just say things like ‘I am so sorry your car is in the shop. Let me drive you’ or ‘I am so sorry about that test. Maybe we can try another day. May I drive you today?’ He’s goping to keep trying, so just continue to say you are so sorry and how you can help. hang in there!

I truly understand and identify with the difficult situation you’re in. My DH’s driver’s license was suspended 8 months ago, after his neurologist suggested that he should no longer drive, and his geriatric psychiatrist submitted his name and relevant information to the DMV. While he hadn’t had an accident, he had gotten several camera tickets in the past year, and I had observed unsafe driving. His diagnosis was changed from MCI to Alzheimer’s 5 years ago, and he’s 86 with mobility problems. After DH’s initial anger, I thought he would accept giving up driving. He willingly signed the papers to sell his SUV a few days before the license suspension became effective. However, within a couple of months he was on a quest to buy another car. He has submitted numerous requests to dealers on-line and even bid on cars on auction. I tried reasoning with him—without a license, you can’t register a car or get insurance. Of course, his reasoner is broken, and my efforts were met with anger. Now, I just try to put out fires. I check his email when he’s sleeping and text salespeople that try to get in touch with him. I’ve also answered his phone and explained the situation to the salespeople calling. Once, he managed to get a GoGo Grandparent driver to come pick him up to take him to another city to buy a car, but I was able to intercept that. I daily unsubscribe from car sites on his computer and permanently delete items he hasn’t opened and some that he has. I keep hoping this is a phase, but I don’t have any idea if/when it will end. The advice would be to keep him off the computer and off of his phone, but that’s so much easier said than done. With anosognosia, he doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with him or his driving—he thinks I’m the crazy one for trying to keep him from buying another car. I have thought long and hard about how to approach this problem, and, for now, the best I can do is put out fires—and there may come a time when I miss one. I’ll just have to deal with that when it comes. In the meantime, I empathize with everyone going through living with someone with AD who doesn’t accept that it’s no longer safe to drive. Thank you for listening to my story. I do learn from each of you when you share what’s on your mind.

Can you put a lock on your credit? That way he can't use it to buy a car. Same with credit cards. Put a password or number on them.

You might try a password to use the computer. Tell him some security thing happened overnight you don't know about. This must be so difficult. I was fortunate my DW quickly became overwhelmed trying to use the computer and is down to cute animal videos on You Tube for her phone. It is so sad she can't answer a call anymore but also it has been a bit of a relief. Side Note: Getting through stages 4 & 5, Alzheimer's has been so expensive in the most unexpected ways.

We learned that our insurance requires a doctor’s certification for continued coverage when a person develops a problem that could impair driving. This helped move the discussion to resolution because my husband could still understand he would most likely not be covered if he had an accident. It has been devastating to him and to me.