Elder Law

I agree with other that you need to see an elder law attorney immediately. Another suggestion we were given is to set up a plan b in the event that you can no longer care for your loved one. Tour assisted living and memory care facilities and place her on a waitlist with a refundable deposit. Get log in and passwords for computer, phone, all accounts. Put TILE gps trackers on phone, keys, purse, wallet.

Trying to convince her she is not seeing what she is seeing is not advisable, usually. If the hallucinations are benign and not threatening her, and she is accepting them, you should try to go along with them as much as possible. ‘Oh, someone here? Let’s see’ ‘Oh, they must have left’ Not making any kind of ‘deal’ of it. Meet her in her own reality. You are probably right that the TV instigated this and if it bothers her, or you, maybe limit what she is watching on TV? Sometimes PWD mistake mirror reflections or glass reflections for other people. Some caregivers have had good luck covering those objects if it becomes bothersome.

I would not medicate strictly for hallucinations. If she is having behaviors that are frightening, alarming or aggressive, that is the time I would consider meds.

I am also in process of consulting with an Elder law attorney. After speaking with my financial planner it became very clear that this needs to be done sooner rather than later. If you do have a financial planner make sure the attorney is open to working together with this person.

Also, please make sure you select an attorney who is certified in this particular field. If you have assets and suspect your loved one may need placement in a nursing facility you can approach this now and prepare your finances accordingly. Most people have no idea that nursing homes cost $10,000 to $30,000 PER MONTH. Plus in order to qualify for Medicaid in a nursing facility much of your financial assets must be spent first before Medicaid will pay.

Making a plan now can help direct some of your assets into ‘protected accounts’. This requires some very specialized knowledge so be sure and ask the attorney if they have experience with long term care, Medicaid and protection of your financial assets.

Just a couple thoughts. I too was advised to have a Plan B if I became unable to provide care for my dear wife at home until the end. I checked several places, looked at their evaluation ratings, and became further convinced I needed to improve my Plan A and emplyed privately a couple caregivers who were remarkable. Yes, it left me with overnight and a portion of each day alone but it was manageable. The Plan B research results scared me as did feedback from others.

Second, regarding the loved one getting confused or becoming alarmed by reflections. My dear wife did that and it frightened her badly. I found coverings for window, sliding glass door, etc., that still allowed some light but eliminated all reflections. This helped eliminate her constant fear that strangers were in the house. I removed most mirrors possible, managed the television to also help reduce her fears. There is no explaining, convincing or altering their fear from reflections. You just have to remove the opportunities for them. Once I did all that, that constant fear, anxiety issue was reduced and we moved on the the next one. Yes, there is a never ending list of "next ones" but you just have to take them as they come.

I had always been told and heard my state required the 5 year lookback also. However, when I consulted the attorney I was told that it did not apply to the spouse in our circumstance. You might just ask, if you have not done so, very specifically about the spouse role in the 5 year look back. Just FYI.

The trust would protect my house and other things allowing my kids to inherit. I could stay in my home until I died or move without it but once I did Medicaid could go after my home to reimburse DH's costs.

Not sure what a Ladybird deed is but here in Georgia we now have a Transfer on Death Deed available, as of last year. It simplifies how the home is handled at death with a simple transfer to those you include. It circumvents probate and the heirs just sign to accept the property within nine months of the death. All I set up was done to enable my wife to apply for Medicaid if necessary and protect assets.

https://www.nelf.org/attorney-directory-search