How to move forward?

Hi there.

My mom was formally diagnosed 2 years ago, though we as a family have noticed she has been progressing more quickly than before for the past few months. Unfortunately, her dad, who also has Alzheimer's and lives in a memory home, needed to be set up with hospice care last week. This has caused an even further worsening of her symptoms. I (her daughter) was left to be her sole caregiver for the past 2 weeks and have seen firsthand just how bad it has gotten. Generally, my dad is her caretaker, though he was gone. I've noticed he's also starting to crack under the pressure.

At this point, while mom can get certain tasks done, she really can't do much without having someone next to her the whole time, helping to organize her thoughts and actions. She gets stuck in loops (i.e. reading a page of notes, forgetting what she read, setting it aside, then immediately picking it up again as though it was new. Rinse and repeat). She doesn't recognize that this is happening. Or that we've had conversations about xyz. Or that we already looked at that pile of donations, we can move on.

Setting up hospice for my grandfather proved to have many moving parts that she just could not wrap her head around. Unless I was there to pay attention and document, we would have been lost. She took calls and completely forgot that they had happened (important calls that we were waiting for). She still thinks she's capable. She doesn't want anyone to know about her diagnosis (even though I've had the hospice nurse directly tell me that my mom clearly didn't understand all information). She doesn't want her dad's memory care people to know (even though I'm more than certain they've been able to tell). I did tell the hospice social worker secretly though, because trying to work with her can be jarring with all the repeated questions and no context. Do we continue to secretly alert certain people? Do we try to convince her that they need to know? (When I tried lightly convincing her in the past that people need to know, she gets VERY upset and angry, saying no, people will treat her differently, think she's incapable, etc. She also gets paranoid that xyz could happen, even though it in no way remotely would.)

At this point, I'm lost on what to do. How does one tell her that she's having trouble doing these things, and that my sister or I should be on the primary call list? Do we even tell her? How do we move forward? She's drowning, but she can't tell that she's drowning.

Then, that leads me to my dad. We've suggested he go to support groups, go to therapy, find someone to talk to, but he's refused, saying that he can just vent to my sister and I. He's clearly burning out - he still works full time and is fielding questions interrupting his workflow from my mom full time. What do we tell him? They've always had a strained relationship, so that's not helping either.

My sister and I want to get together with my dad to talk about everything that's happened in the last 2 weeks and what we've been noticing to try and figure out how to move forward, but I want to have ideas and possible solutions to try. Any advice or help that people could offer would be great. We're struggling here. Thank you!! <3