The driving discussion

talk to the doctor again or send him a message on the patient portal, and tell him she can’t drive and that you are going to say the doctor said so so the doctor can back you up if she asks. Tell the doctor that if she’s in an accident her insurance could refuse to pay and she could be sued. You will have to keep answering her because she will probably forget the conversation.

Mom accepted not driving fairly well, but not going to her house for regular visits is/was a big issue. She would demand I explain why. If I tried to explain (which involved her dementia symptoms), she would get even more angry. I also tried all the usual things suggested here, change the subject, distract, …. But nothing worked. When she was at her worst I told her I was not going to talk about it and if she continued I would need to leave. I hated it and I still don’t know if this was best, but it’s what got me through. I left my visits with her early many times. I guess what I’m saying is sometimes there just isn’t a “right” thing to say. Medication helped, the passing of time and I think that distance from her house helped. Removing the car from the driveway might help some. Out of sight out of mind kind of thing. I find many doctors don’t want to stick their neck out and say no driving. Early on the pcp referred her for a driving evaluation. I was told it was a very thorough simulation kind of test. Maybe that is something that would work. Mom’s neurologist said NO DRIVING so the appointment was canceled. You said taking her keys will not stop the obsession. This is true, but is will keep her safe. Safe and happy is often not an option, unless meditation is involved. You said this is ruining your relationship. You said Dementia is ruining your relationship. I’m sorry, but you will never have the relationship you had before! You will find you have to monitor everything you say around her so you don’t upset her or worry her. If I casually tell mom about working in my garden she will become angry that I won’t bring her to her house so she can work in her garden. My son and I took mom to lunch. I thought it went very well. Later my son told me when I went to the bathroom she started questioning him about what I was doing at her house behind her back. That anger and resentment towards me is always there, even if she doesn’t show it. I remember being very worried about my relationship with mom in the beginning. It took a while to accept the new relationship. She is safe now and with medication we have good visits, but it will never be what it was before dementia. That’s the best I’m going to get. A completely normal mother daughter relationship is just not possible anymore.

Anosognosia means the ability to understand and reason no longer exists. Remove the keys and/or remove the car. If necessary, investigate with your Department of Motor Vehicles having a letter sent to her home.