Loved one spouse just passed

DaughteroftheQueen · March 9

Spouse of the loved one with dementia just passed last week. They are good with day to day activities of course have moments of grief but they keep asking when the funeral is although the funeral
Was last week. Then get upset to re-live that and to then upset because they cannot remember the funeral happened. How can we help them? We have pretty much began to be with them around the clock just so they are not alone. Any help is appreciated.

SDianeL · March 9

so the PWD remembers their LO passed? Or is someone reminding them? Or are they asking where the LO is? I would fib to them so they don’t experience grief each time. Sorry for the loss. 🙏

SDianeL · March 9

this might help:

Choose the Right Moment: Tell them when they are well-rested and in a quiet, familiar place.
Validate and Comfort: Acknowledge their sadness with phrases like, "I know this is very hard," or "I am so sorry, [Name] is gone," and offer physical comfort.
Expect Repetition: A person with dementia may forget the news and ask for their spouse again. You may need to gently repeat the truth or redirect to a pleasant memory if they become too distressed.
Share Memories: Instead of focusing only on the loss, try to share fond memories of their spouse.
If the Truth Causes Extreme Distress: In advanced dementia, sometimes focusing on the person’s feeling (e.g., "You miss him/her") rather than the fact of death can be more compassionate,

H1235 · March 9

Welcome. So sorry for your loss. If the funeral is the issue, could you just tell her it’s next week? It’s ok to fib if it prevents her from getting upset. Does someone have DPOA? If not, I would see a lawyer as soon as possible. There may be other legal matters that should be addressed as well. If a facility is the long term plan, keep in mind some have a waiting list to get in and they are expensive. Has your loved one been diagnosed? I will attach a few resources since you are new here. I’m glad you found us.

DBAT.pdf

Anosognosia and Dementia - AgingCare.com.pdf

understanding-the-dementia-experience.pdf

https://www.darpelelderlaw.com/therapeutic-fibs-and-dementia-a-compassionate-approach-rooted-in-love

Quilting brings calm · March 9

redirect. Redirect, redirect. Don’t answer the question about the funeral/ change the topic. Ice cream anyone? Oh look Matlock is on TV. Do not mention her spouse at all…. If she mentions him, redirect to anything.

If she cannot be alone, is she living alone? If so now would be the time to look into memory care. Assisted living is going to be too independent for her if she cannot remain alone in an apartment for a few hours at a time.

Michele P · March 10

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75528/loved-one-spouse-just-passed

I am sorry for your loss. As others have suggested, make sure to get the legal documents in order to care for your loved one. Tour memory care facilities and put your loved one on a wait list with a refundable deposit. It might get to the point where you can no longer care for your loved one at home. Redirect the conversation about the funeral and don’t bring up the conversation. Their short term memory is gone and reasoning is broken.

Loved one spouse just passed

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