Changing personality

karbonnie · March 14

This is my 1st time on here. I needed to vent. My wife has early onset and has mild cognitive impairment. She is still high functioning but has become very anxious. She gets riled up fast and takes it out on me. I am finding that I lose my temper when she is angry at me. Afterward, I feel bad cause “I should know better.” My mantra is to repeat the word “deescalate,” but I often forget in the throws of it. Have others dealt with this and how do you keep a neutral stance in the middle of “an argument.”

SDianeL · March 15

welcome. Sorry about your wife’s diagnosis and anxiety. First I would ask her doctor for medication for her anxiety. Remember it’s not her talking, it’s the disease. I learned 2 things on this forum. Never argue with someone with dementia and “You can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken” I repeated that many times throughout the day. It also helped me to think of my husband as my patient and me his nurse rather than thinking of him as my spouse. We no longer had that relationship. Dementia took it from us. Lastly, give yourself grace. You’re human. With practice you will become a better caregiver. 💜

Maru · March 15

I suspect most of us have been there. You know what you are supposed to do but sometimes we fail. I vacillate between thinking of my DH as a patient and thinking of him as my husband of many years. A lifetime of behavior isn't going to magically change over night.

Jeff H · March 15

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75575/changing-personality

Welcome. Feel free to vent at anytime. I think we have all been there to one degree or another. It's the sickening disease talking. It makes it worse to argue or get mad. It's hard, but try and keep your cool. Sometimes it's easier said than done. You are not alone.

karbonnie · March 15

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/268094#Comment_268094

Thank you for your thoughtful and kind reply.

annie51 · 12:40AM

Venting here is always a good idea! We know what you’re going through and as others have said, we have all most likely done this ourselves. I think for me, the more I accepted what was happening to him, the more I was able to control my reactions to the things he said or did. It took some time, but it did get easier, as with most of the challenges of caregiving.

Tweave · 1:08AM

My DH was diagnosed with Dementia last June. This is my first time on here and reading this has helped me a lot. It's really hard to know I don't have my husband anymore. He changes from one hour to the next. I never know when he's going to get upset and blame me for things. I find myself arguing with him and I know I shouldn't. I'm still trying to figure out how not to argue with him but I end up doing it anyway. I've developed a lot of medical problems due to stress. I need help. How do you learn to communicate with them without upsetting them more. He gets very agitated.

Jeff H · 2:46AM

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/268158#Comment_268158

Welcome to our forum. I'm sorry that you are here but I am glad that you found us! Vent away. Mostly, you just have to agree with your DH on any issue. If you argue or deny it can get worse. It's very tough to come up with replies for many situations without upsetting your DH so just try to agree if you can. Trying to deflect to another subject may work but can often not. For agitation, check with your DH neurologist for medications to curb that. Ask your doctor for antidepressants for you if needed. Your health is primary also. You are not alone in this. We are all here for you.

Changing personality

Comments

Commonly Used Abbreviations

Community Guidelines

Categories