Having a hard time choosing between home care and memory care

tboard · March 16

A month ago my DH with mixed dementia ended up in the hospital. Nothing serious. From the hospital he went to a transitional care program where they adjust his medication because of his aggressive behavior and high anxiety. He has been there for a month and is much calmer and a lot less aggressive. He is also almost 100 miles away from home in a facility with strict visiting hours from 3:30 PM to 5:00 PM.

Doctors and staff are strongly recommending memory care. So far there isn't a place that will take him. They are all either full or the facility doesn't meet his needs. He is in a later state of dementia and needs around the clock supervision and care.

I have been caring for him mostly by myself for three years. I don't love the idea of continuing to care for him but I feel like I am being strong armed into putting him in memory care.

I am concerned that he won't get the same level of care that he was getting at home. memory care is very expensive and will exhaust most of the money we saved for retirement. I have only been retired for 6 months.

The social worker is saying that hiring help and caring for him at home isn't enough care. He is able to walk and talk and feed himself. He is incontinent but I was able to manage that while he was still at home. He doesn't have any major diseases other than the Alzheimer's and vascular dementia.

I really don't know what to do. He is supposed to be released this week maybe even tomorrow.

White Crane · March 16

tboard, I'm sorry you are in such a rough situation. You have the final say as to whether he goes to MC or not. Did you ask the social worker why they thought he needed more care than you could give him? Something to coinsider: He has a progressive disease that will only get worse. He is in a care facility now and transitioning to a MC might be easier than him coming home and getting settled and then needing to go to MC. It might be easier for both of you that way. My DH went straight from the hospital to MC two years ago. It was hard but it was the best thing for us. As to affording MC, I worried about that, too. I consulted an eldercare lawyer and she helped me get him qualified for Medicaid while still protecting our home and my assets. Every state has their own Medicaid rules so you would need help figuring it out but it is doable. I hope this helps. Sending hugs.

tboard · March 16

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/268190#Comment_268190

Social worker says he needs around the clock care and some of that cate requires more than one person.

Yes we will eventually qualify for Medicaid. Probably in a year to a year and a half.

You have a point about transitioning from one institution to another vs. Coming home.

I am telling my self that I can always take him out of MC if I don't think it is working. Thanks for responding.

lenbury · March 16

For us, having a caregiver come in from 8am to noon was a life saver. That gave me a break and a person to discuss my wife's condition. in July of last year we moved to assisted living and then eventually memory care as her symptoms worsened.

BPS · March 16

My wife moved straight from the hospital to MC after having a stroke. She excepted it as continued therapy. It has been almost 2 years and she thinks it has been a week or two. Anytime it comes up I tell her she is doing good but the doctor wants her to stay there a few more days for observation and get more rest to regain her strength. Like you said you can always bring him home later if you think it is best. If he moves to MC you will see things that you know you could do better but remember to look at the over all care and talk to them about things you see. In our case since I had been going to the hospital everyday to see her I continued that from day 1 in MC. I know a lot of times it is recommended to wait a week or two but since she was going from the hospital to continuing care for the same thing it felt natural to continue the same routine as much as possible for a while. She is pretty easy going so that worked for us.

SDianeL · March 17

if you decide in home care ask for a hospice evaluation. More help. I would place him in memory care to see how it goes. They should have waiting lists.

hartheritage · March 17

This is such a heavy place to be, you’ve carried so much already, and it’s okay to feel torn. If he needs 24/7 supervision, memory care may truly keep him safer, even if it’s a hard step.

You might explore options like Hart Heritage Memory Care, they focus on structured support for later-stage dementia while still preserving dignity and comfort.

tboard · March 17

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/268233#Comment_268233

I don't think having him more than a thousand miles away from home is going to work, but thanks for the tip.

Having a hard time choosing between home care and memory care

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