Elder Law

howhale · March 25

That is so much like our experience. She used to go alone and shop, then I went with her but she still shopped, then she went with me and I shopped, then she went with me and just followed encouraging me to hurry, then I went alone to shop as fast as I could, now I go alone forever more because she is no longer here. The losses occur in so many ways over so much time and when unexpected. But, every loss is another step into grief that continues along our path, never to end during nor after. It is hard, so hard and that is why each and every one of us as a care giver is a hero. It takes a hero to stay the course, walk knowingly each day into battle that we cannot win but unwilling to give up, knowing there will be losses, but fighting on for the one thing that remains our purpose, to protect and give love to our loved one forever. Yes, it is hard, so very hard but we do it, and do it, and do it because we are heroes for our loved one.

Donr · March 25

You need to talk to your certified elder attorney about a Qualified Income Trust ,also called a Miller Trust.

I am in the process of doing this for my wife now. Every state may have different rules.

Geot · March 26

I am now consulting an elder law attorney, but it is too late in our state to enter into an irrevocable trust being it has to be in effect for 5 years prior to protect the assets. My wife may or may not have 5 years…no way of knowing as the disease progresses. Puts me pretty much between a rock and a hard place.

mommafour · March 26

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/267657#Comment_267657

My DH has been on Seroquel for a couple years for severe delusions and hallucinations. It didn’t help at first but after his dr. made a couple of adjustments to dosage over a short period of time, it finally worked and still does. He also takes Memantine, Mirtazipine, and Zoloft.

Geot · March 27

My DW is only taking Seroquel and Memantine….maybe the dosage is still not correct. Last night she was calling me dad and this AM I'm still dad. She is irate that her husband is not here rapid firing questions as to why he's not here….where did he go….when will he be back….why doesn't he call…how did he leave when his car is still in the driveway…..etc,……very difficult to respond with the answers.

howhale · March 27

Handling those questions, especially those that hit so close to our heart, are so very difficult to field. They do seem to come rapid fire many times. They sure did with my DW. I found the simplest response or sometimes even no response, just a sound or head nod acknowledgement worked. My DW asked the very same questions many times and each time I felt the stab in my heart as she did not know me but tried to just be neutral, minimal in my words, smiling and telling her I would look and get back to her. So many challenges every day coming from so many directions, but we do what we do as best we can because we love them unconditionally.

Geot · March 27

Thank you howhale for the comment. I guess we all experience the same situations many times over and over. It is very helpful to hear what others have done to help keep their sanity.

mscarsue · April 2

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/267654#Comment_267654

My DH has LBD and is moderate to severe. The TV delusions you talk about is a daily occurrence in our house. I found it easier just to go along with it, as it is not hurting him or anyone else. There are many times he will talk to the people on the TV as if they are talking to him. One time he was watching Life Below Zero and told me how he flew to Alaska between two mountains…funny thing is that my DH is deathly afraid of flying…so I just said was it as beautiful as it looks.

I totally understand where you are coming from.

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