Will I ever be happy again?

lilacgirl · April 2

I am feeling so hopeless. Ever since my dad died in December I’ve been so worried about my mother who lives alone 2.5 hours away from me, I can barely function. We now have her set to move into AL near me in 2 weeks, and my anxiety is worse than ever; partially because I’m worried about what to do when she begs to go home, or worse, when she begs to move into my house, which she’s been doing off and on already.

I started therapy and anxiety meds 3 weeks ago but not feeling better yet. How do people cope with this?

pamu · April 2

Yes, you will be happy again! Continue with your therapy, keep coming to this forum for support and know that you're doing the absolute best for your mom (and yourself!). I am also going through a very difficult time caring for my mom so I understand. The hardest thing about it is that we can't control what will happen or anticipate every crisis. We will get through it!

JulietteBee · April 2

Hugs!

If I knew the answer, I would surely tell you. My anxiety is also currently off the chart because my course of action was to buy a larger house & move my mom out of her ILF into our new home.

My mom was previously diagnosed with Vascular Dementia. Last week she was told she also has Alz. Having seen the writing on the wall, I activated my plan B. Now that it is in motion and I close in 2 weeks, I am wondering what the heck did I just do.

I know it is the best choice for my mom, but that was as selfless an act as ever there was, because I never truly gave my own health a second thought.

All the best with moving mom to her new AL. Life is all about changes. We all have to change, adapt, and grow. Our moms will too.🫂

lilacgirl · April 2

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/269368#Comment_269368

I really admire you for being able to do that. Truly selfless. 💙

AmandaF · April 2

Hi, your post moved me because I remember the feeling…I also had to move my mom from her home to a facility right after my dad passed away. It was absolutely the most stressful series of life events I’ve ever been through. I remember a friend telling me: “This is very hard, but it won’t always be like this” - which helped me. It took some time, but my nervous system did eventually recover (as did my mom’s!). She is now settled, has more of a social life than she’d had in years, and has many people caring for her instead of just one overwhelmed person. As the above commenter notes, life is about change, and humans, even humans with dementia, adapt. Your mom will adjust to her new life and you will get to know and trust the staff that cares for her. Good luck and remember to breathe, and that it won’t always be like this!

PS When my mom would ask about living with me, I would just say no, you need to be here now, it’s safer and healthier, and leave it at that. She didn’t understand, but unfortunately that’s the nature of the disease.

SDianeL · April 3

create fibs. Blame it on the doctor, she needs rehab, your house is being repaired, etc then change the subject or offer a treat.

Will I ever be happy again?

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