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Compound caregiving

clenno
clenno Member Posts: 10
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in I Am a Caregiver (General Topics)

Hello fellow caregivers. I'm curious if anyone else is on a similar journey to my own. Both my mother and husband were initially diagnosed with MCI two weeks apart, four years ago. At the time she was 78 and he was 63. I placed her in AL two years ago because there was no way I could care for two at home by myself. Now she's needing to move to MC and I'm nearing the point where I need to place him in MC as well (early onset seems to progress so much faster). My inquiry is…if you've placed multiple loved ones in the same MC facility were they able to "be there" for each other? I can see how spouses both suffering from cognitive decline may be able to "support" each other but I'm curious if anyone has tried with the parent/spouse combo. I should say that they have always gotten along very well together. My husband even cooked for my mother during COVID so she could "share" meals with us even though we weren't living under the same roof.

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  • Quilting brings calm
    Quilting brings calm Member Posts: 3,274
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    I don’t know if they would be there for each other, but it would certainly make life easier on you. You could check on both at the same visit. A lot easier than trying to visit at different locations. You might actually have some time to yourself.

  • harshedbuzz
    harshedbuzz Member Posts: 6,940
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    I'm sorry you are living this. The long goodbye is hard when it's one LO at a time.

    Unless there is a compelling reason for one to be placed in a specific MCF that isn't available to the other, i.e. a veteran's home with lower costs or one that accepts Medicaid for the one who qualifies, I would place them together. I might even request that they reside in a different "neighborhood" if it's a purpose-built facility. This would allow you to spend time with one if needed without seeming to ignore the other. On good days, you could have meals together.

    I'd also look at the break-even cost of hiring 24/7 aides at home. A friend had a MIL and aunt with dementia and she found they could live in a cottage they already owned with 24/7 carers for about the cost of 2 MCF rooms.

    HB

  • Michele P
    Michele P Member Posts: 549
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75810/compound-caregiving

    I would place them together to make it easier on you for visiting and monitoring care.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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