After 10 long years mom has died, now what?

It was 10 years ago that I realized my mother's forgetfulness was more than just normal aging. The reality hit me like a ton of bricks, and nobody else in the immediate family wanted to face it or do any future planning.

I had a general dread of what the future could hold but maintained hope that we could still find a way to direct the ship to a better place than what I feared. It never happened though.

Mom spent eight years of the last decade at home with her husband of 65 years as her primary caregiver. I was on the sidelines waiting for the eventual other shoe to drop. I did what I could and what my parents would accept. The wonderful people on this forum helped me probably more than anything or anyone else, so thank you all for being here.

The other shoe dropped two years ago when dad became ill himself with COPD and CHF and could no longer care for mom at home because both he and mom become incontinent and struggled with daily ADLs. They moved to an ALF and mom eventually in MC when dad died.

All the cracks in the family foundation broke open. Dysfunction was intolerable. I have read where events like this either act as "glue or scissors" in families. For me, it was scissors. Very little remains of what I knew was my family growing up.

What a journey this has been. Through the mighty impact this disease has on loved ones, I think I evolved in ways I could not have imagined. When I was younger, the thought of anyone with "dementia" was nothing I wanted to even open a door to.

I had no idea of the thought energy that consumed so much of my time until I no longer had to worry about how my mother was being cared for. It sort of slowly became part of my identity and I did not realize it until it was gone. it is an abrupt end at a long road.

So, I guess now I refocus on a life for me and my darling husband (right?). It will include building the next chapter and evolution when I am no longer a caregiver or advocate. It sounds so simple, but I know it isn't.

For everyone else in Stage 8, blessings to you.