Parent in MC Talking about Dying

My dad came home from the hospital two months ago on hospice (although we didn’t tell him this). Since then he has made several comments about needing a map, saying he was going to see his grandmother, telling us he won’t see us again, saying he won’t be here long, etc. He has thought he was dying before and said similar things although not for this long. He also seems fixated on making sure there are no loose ends, etc. There is no doubt in my mind that he’s preparing.

I’ve told him several times that he has taken care of everything, there’s nothing left to do, etc. A friend gave me a book called “Final Gifts” written by a hospice nurse. It’s a collection of stories of those in their last days and what they experience. Usually it is not as direct as what your LO is saying though.

I think all your answers have been just right. We should always validate their feelings whatever those are. And just let them know we love them and will care for them until that day comes.

@[Deleted User]

My dad did this in the last year or so of his life. I would say he was late stage 5 when it started. In expressing this, the reasons why were vague or non-existent in that he couldn't say why he was dying or coming to the end of his life. Sometimes he would claim that he was going to be very long lived because it ran in his family (it didn't really). I don't know what best practices are for this question; I generally said something like "not on my watch, mom would kill me" or "not today, so you better eat your lunch".

About 3 months before he died, this talk turned darker and he started expressing a plan for he and mom "to die at the same time because they always did everything together". This led to his placement for safety's sake.

HB