Help with the emotional toll of DH incontinence

NewCareGiver540 · May 13

For three weeks now, my husband has wet the bed through his Night Depends, and even with a pad and waterproof mattress pad I am doing laundry of his PJ, Shirts and sheets. Out of all the issues we have dealt with over the past 4 years with him losing so many capacities, I feel that I have dealt with them well, but this is making me crazy. He wakes up soaked thru and does not care. He heads for the shower and sings himself clean. I resent this so much and I find my self yelling at him to stop - he has no idea how many nights it has been. I finally moved to a different bedroom mostly because there is less bedding to wash - I just put twin sheets on his side. I know he does not realize but does anyone have any coping strategies.

jgreen · May 13

Dear @NewCareGiver540

Welcome. Glad you found us.

Incontinence is a behavior in stage 6. This most likely will qualify him for Hospice or Palliative Care if you are interested in those services. You can self refer and not need a doctor’s orders. They can help with durable medical equipment and knowledgeable staff who can share tips on options for you. Incontinence is tough! I hope you can find some support.

fesk · May 13

If you are using the brand Depends, I'd recommend getting a more absorbent brand. There are many better quality products. Having the right one (and it may take a few tries to find the right one) can make all the difference.

dayn2nite2 · May 13

Wandering and incontinence are the two biggest triggers for placement. Was that part of your future plan and have you already done planning with an attorney earlier in the disease?

JDancer · May 13

My husband soaks his pull ups, pants and shirt each night. He must be cleaned, dried, powdered and dressed. I have 2 "waterproof" mattress pads with plastic pads in between to protect the mattress. I also layer towels under and over the sheet around his mid section. I wash the towel on a "rine and drain" cycle each morning to conserve time, water and detergent. Everything hangs on the line so they smell fresh. It's an exhausting routine, but the mattress has stayed dry, so I consider it a win

JDancer · May 13

My spouse had to be in stage 7 to qualify for hospice. He doesn't have chronic co morbidities, so incontinence alone wasn't enough.

persevere · May 13

Is it safe to assume he’s using the bathroom before bed. Also maybe he shouldn’t have anything to drink after a certain time to cut down. Finally, you can put extra pads, like feminine pads, in his brief for extra absorption.

SDianeL · May 14

this company has thicker more absorbent products. I believe they will send samples to try. Tranquility is one product they sell that is made for night wear. https://www.northshorecare.com/?srsltid=AfmBOopak-MJRtG09kCjEknSplslPWVtE-6k5oX-SZ_1A6u2rcrcMKBi

Russinator · May 14

Yesterday we had a hospice evaluation for dementia. We were told my DW was at 6A and need to be 7A to qualify for hospice.

NewCareGiver540 · May 14

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/272349#Comment_272349

Thank you - yesterday I found suggestions for better brands on this discussion site and I ordered samples from North Shore - I thought Depends was the gold standard but I guess not

NewCareGiver540 · May 14

I agree - this is an exhausting routine - I will try the towel addition and I hope the NorthShore products are better than Depends

harshedbuzz · May 14

@NewCareGiver540

At least he's happy to shower.

Sometimes the cut of a brief/diaper can make a huge difference in how well they work so trying a couple kinds makes sense.

Another thing that can cut down on laundry is using a waterproof pad underneath and between him and his top sheet/duvet. Northshore has these.

https://store.directsupply.com/catalog/incontinence-supplies-underpads-195412?og=False&pi=3

I'm not a fan of restricting fluids unless he's compulsively drinking. Many folks retain water in their legs which means overnight urination. If you try elevating his legs to at least 90 degrees at the hip joint for a couple hours before bed and then toileting him, you may have less overflow at night.

HB

Scooterr · May 14

I use NorthShore on DW and they do hold a lot of fluid. I make sure DW has had plenty of fluid during the day, then cut her off around 5 to 6 pm. With plenty of trips to bathroom before bed. I do get up around 1 to 2 am. and change and wipe her down, then back to bed. It works for us.

fesk · May 14

Yes - Tena, Prevail, Attends and others are much better than Depends. Had to learn that too. As posted above, the fit or right size will also make a difference.

As also mentioned, we use a disposable mattress pad on top of a washable one. Nothing makes it to the sheets.

Best of luck.

Help with the emotional toll of DH incontinence

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