Just another day

Geot · June 5

I took my DW out shopping for a new pair of sneakers, found a pair she loved. The next day we were going out and she wore the new sneakers and raved about them. When we got home she put them back in the box and placed them on the couch. The next morning I noticed the sneakers were gone from the couch but didn't say anything, just figuring she put them away sometime during the night. We decided to go out again to do some errands and she could not find the new sneakers. We looked all over the house but could not find them, she was so upset. I just told her to wear other shoes, and we will look for them when we get back, she worried about the sneakers the whole time we were out. When we got back another search was on and I found them under the bed in the box. She then started crying and saying "why can't I remember I did that." I felt so bad for her I just hugged her and said it's ok we found them and that is all that matters trying to just calm her down. At that moment I remembered what some wise person (howhale, I think) that made a comment that has stuck with me. Just love and comfort them as best as you can "because once it is done, we cannot go back. There are no do overs.

Thanks for listening

jgreen · June 5

Dear @Geot

You did great! Bravo! And I bet it felt good. Glad you found those sneakers!

@howhale and so many others give us such good advice. I am so glad we found them.

Sending you a big hug 💝 and a hearty pat on the back for your quick thinking.

Geot · June 5

Jgreen..I am so glad I found them as well….no one not even family or friends really know what it is like to live with this horrible disease 24/7 but the great people here. Thank you.

Sunfish47 · June 5

My DH thinks (or sees) the “other people” here in the house (there are no other people) and he worries that his important items will be taken when he's sleeping. So he hides his wallet, his cell phone, his glasses, etc in his favorite hiding places. I’ve finally come to know the places to look, and under the bed is one spot. Also under the mattress on his side of the bed, inside his pillowcase, inside his briefcase, inside his 2 suitcases, and in his dresser drawers under the t-shirts and underwear.
When the missing item is found, he of course is convinced that someone, not him, put it there. This behavior is harmless but annoying cuz I spend several hours a week searching for his things!!! I’ve been hiding my purse and keys for a couple years now cuz he would take those also, so that the other people wouldnt get them. One time we were stuck in the house for three hours while I searched for my keys. It’s not a fun activity. ☹️

blacksparky · June 5

What a familiar story. I bought my DW a new pair of Sketchers and within one day she had lost I shoe. I tore the whole house apart looking for them for over a week. Could not find the shoe so I bought another pair for her. Funny thing is about a day later the missing shoe somehow showed up out of nowhere. Now we have two pairs of Sketchers which is a good thing since most times she wears a different non matching shoe on each foot.

Sunfish47 · June 5

Haha yep - my DH (stage 5) wears non matching shoes frequently. I realized a few months ago I have to look down at his feet before we leave the house to make sure his shoes match. In November when we got to our daughters house for thanksgiving, I saw he was wearing 2 LEFT SHOES !! Now how can that even be comfortable?!?! Daughter and I had a chuckle over that !!

Victoriaredux · June 5

Houdini had nothing on a dementia patient. I watched a LO walk to the mail box on the street , walk straight back in with the mail , sit down and the mail never appeared again. From Informed Delivery knew exactly what the mail was , never seen again.

Bailey's Mom · June 5

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/274124#Comment_274124

This is my life, exactly! The dead people who live in the boxes in the attic (we don't have an attic) steal everything during the night…he has hidden my cosmetics, eye drops, scissors, brooms, clothes, finger nail clippers…everything from them so that they don't steal them and has emptied his workshop, hiding his tools in the house, cars, carport, porch…wherever he can. I have ordered some invisible, magnetic cabinet door locks (the kind used for toddlers) to see if I can stop some of the overnight rummaging, and have put tile trackers on his keys and wallet, which have saved me hours and hours of searching…I use the one on his keys at least once per day. It is funny…he hides my things from the 'other people who live with us' and I hide them from him! Honestly, though, his paranoia is really impacting our lives and he has made a huge, depressing mess of our home…hope it is a phase that passes soon.

howhale · June 7

Your stories are so familiar, each and every one. My DW, now at her final rest, did all those same things. I finally had to come to accept the situation for what it truly is and stop trying to pretend my DW was going to not progress. It was hard and then I learned to put away so many thing to protect her or the items as they were important. When she would look for the item or ask about something, I would use my well practiced fibs to appease her for the moment knowing she would forget soon and move on to something else. I found that doing so slowly removed somethings from her mind permanently and they were forgotten. She wore mismatched clothes, clothes inside out, insisted a sweater was her skirt and wore it, two different shoes, etc., etc. MY painful lesson was to just keep my mouth shut and let her be happy with her choices. How little she had in her life about which to be happy or satisfied made me enjoy anything, almost anything at all, when she felt that. I bought so many inexpensive "toys" to replace the important items and she adopted many as a replacement. We cannot change the course and we have to learn to become comfortable and actually "happy" in this new world if our LO is calm, happy and comforted. It is easy for me to say now because I cannot see her, touch her, kiss her, talk to her ever again but at least I know I finally learned to just find happiness when she was at peace in the miserable disease in which she suffered. It must be living in a constant nightmare to suffer this disease and I cry for her that she ever lived her worst fear. Make then happy (their standard, not ours), make them calm, make them feel in control, make them feel their choice is right, let them wear mismatched clothes and compliment them, help them find things that satisfy their need to be who they once were, even for a second. So, so hard to do and yet so, so important for them now and you later on reflection. You are the heroes, unsung, hidden in the shadows, toiling day and night to provide care, often sacrificing your health and security to protect your LO. I will say it if your LO now cannot but THANK YOU FOR CARING FOR ME AT MY WORST HOUR. They want to say it. It is in their heart as are you.

Just another day

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