Mom Refusing Care - Advice?

An individual with a recent stroke and dementia diagnosis who refuses care, likely has impaired judgement. There is likely no convincing her to allow care folks to enter her home. It is likely that she would need to be re-situated in a situation where she is safe—safe from falls, lack of food, expired food, intruders, those who could scam, medication errors, and further medical urgent needs.

When my mom lived alone, with dementia, she was sleeping at very odd hours. Doing so meant her medication schedule was all over the place. After she was moved to memory care, I found notes she wrote where she missed this dose, and that dose, etc. I don't know about your mom but my mom's medication was important clinically.

Ideally, your mom should be situated close to a family member that is responsible such as power of attorney. Memory care does not necessarily mean 24/7 care such that you are not involved. I needed to visit 2-3x/week. Due to urinary tract infections and other, extreme behavior required me to drop what I was doing and run over.

If you can't decide what direction to go, I would suggest making a list of all the decisions that seemed out of the ordinary. For example, mom's blood pressure cuff broke but for $20, she refused to get a new one; mom refused to go to Target—it HAD to be Walmart; mom walked with a 45 degree slant so big balance issue, pill boxes appeared all messed up, mom refused to let Betty the care nurse in the house, etc. Once you read through the list you wrote, you will feel more comfortable with your answer. We feel like we are violating our mom's independence. We are just trying to keep them safe.