cried through MC breakfast w dad... then tears in the parking lot

Definitely not alone. also HATE 'this'…

((hugs))

I can definitely relate to tears in the parking lot. Medication can be so tricky to figure out. They start at a low dose then very gradually increase it. If that doesn’t work they have to taper it down before trying again with a different one and the process repeats. It can take time. Meantime our loved one is an absolute mess as the medication sends them on a roller coaster of emotions. A Geri psych is really the most qualified for this.

This is my therapy. I tried a support group but none of them understood as they did not live 24/7 with their pwd. I stopped the counselor because I was always cancelling. This is my therapy. I cry for both myself and my forum family. At least I'm not alone.

Thanks for listening.

I understand exactly how you are feeling. My dad is 90 years old, we recently lost my mom to cancer, and he was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's. My dad lives alone, but my siblings and I are taking turns being with him. It's so hard because we all have jobs, families, etc… It breaks my heart to see my dad look for things to do at his house. It is so quiet and he no longer can drive, or build things (he was a carpenter all his life). The doctor told us to take away his power tools, so we did. Everyday he moves pictures around of my mom. He looks at albums of my mom. I leave his house in tears each time. We are struggling to decide what to do as far as getting home care for him or having him go to assisted living. He has lived in this house for 52 years. I feel so overwhelmed. I feel like I am always thinking of him and feeling anxiety.

Thanks, Jen ht, for this post. I have been crying in that parking lot too.

I had to cry there so I can drive home with clear eyes. I have sat with my mother at breakfast too and other meals with a heavy heart and still put a smile on my face and chatted with other residents at the table through it all.

I agree with you about wishing society had a healthier view of dementia. I feel like people find it too unpleasant to open the door to. I have sat with my mother while she was in the hospital for various conditions and even the "medical professionals" did not understand it. I found it isolating, hopeless, and overwhelming because I would feel like I had to take on all the gaps that were so clearly on display and being ignored. I feel like so much of it falls to the family by default. If someone does not have a person close to them willing to pick up the slack, they are on their own in a system that does not adequately provide for them. I wish I could fix it, but it is larger than me. It breaks my heart, and I know I am forever changed from this experience.

Having no interest in being around people who do not understand it is also something I feel, and sometimes I find them downright tedious. I think maybe this journey brings depth to our lives that few people experience. Maybe in time this will all seem less intense, but for now I do not try to resolve my feelings about it and just let it "be".