How to respond when they are confused over reality and what they believe

Since joining this chat I've learned more patience than I ever imagined. Learning from people that have already been there has helped me immensely.

I got it. Can't reason, talk calmly and explain. I'll apologize, take the blame, whatever. But like you, sometimes I start calm but it escalates until I'm yelling and the battle is on. Since coming here and hearing others it's 95% better, I'm not as depressed which makes everything easier.

But sometimes I want to beat it into her head " I've told you every day the dog's peanut butter is in the door", it's always been there for four years. "Well, that's new, you never told me" 10am and the tone for the day is set. These are the days I want to run away.

I had an issue with my DH and one of his meds - he always wanted to take it sooner thinking we had not already done so. I started marking the calendar, showing him when we did it, then taking him to the calendar when he raised the issue. That solved it for that very nicely. I wonder if there's some way you could do that with her visits?

It is probable that your husband is missing the company of the young woman. Why not address that fact by saying that you do not know and that you miss her company too. You might actually have an interesting conversation.

I find having everything on a Calander and white board is helping right now. My DH checks that daily. I often have him write it as sometimes (not always) helps him remember. We are still early stage. Biggest issue he has is not knowing how to use his phone for things like voice male and he struggles with remotes and multiple plugs. He gets short when I try to help but usually gives up and hands it to me to do. I know it's jus the beginning of all of this.

My DH's occupational therapist suggested this - calendar/white board placed in a prominent place that DH was responsible for writing the day's activities on (with my help). As with most things, it was a short-term fix, but it definitely reduced the number of arguments at the time.

We use a daily calendar that lists all of the activities and then place those activities or appointments on a whiteboard. You can refer him back to either one to look at what is going on that day. I would put on the whiteboard the day and date that she is coming back to visit. This is not easy. Everyone here knows what you are going through.

I’m not good at thinking on my feet. I get frustrated and don’t know what to say or how to word it. Early on I think I would make my responses more complicated than they needed to be. If I know a topic like this is going to come up I will even plan in advance how I might respond. I have found just being vague works fairly well. Things like - I don’t know, I’ll look into that, that’s interesting, are easy responses to pull out of nowhere.

I’m so sorry. I’m dealing with a spouse that suddenly seems to have a very limited to non-existent short term memory. It’s hard, it’s frustrating, he’s reactive, we fight. He does not recognize he has a problem.It often turns back on me. I go looking for something where I last saw it. It’s not there because he moved it! I ask him about & of course he knows nothing about it. It’s SO very frustrating. I explain where it was last at & what it looked like. He has no idea. This is happening more & more frequently. I have also found myself in a similar situation as yours and being told ”the next time tell me”. Presently I have responded wby telling him that I did tell him and when. For now that usually suffices. As disagreeable as he’s becoming when I ask him where it put something that could change. I wish I had a better answer to your question. It’s really hard living with someone who has very little if any short term memory. Thankfully for you, your still liked to do things around the house. I have trouble getting mine to follow through with anything. He might do a little then tells me he’s tired & has to rest. I hope someone will respond with some better suggestions for you.