Forgot who I was dealing with :(

Just a vent… I made the tragic error today of forgetting that my mom is not really the same person anymore, the mom I used to be able to have meaningful talks and heart-to-hearts with. … We were having such a nice visit today. I took her my old baby book and we had such a fun time reading it together.

Things took a turn when she asked me to do something this week and I told her I couldn't because I have a therapy session at that time. Although we've talked about it before, she started quizzing me pretty hard about why I need to go to therapy. She said, "Is it because of me?" And I was semi-honest, and told her, "Partially!" (The honest answer is, TOTALLY. I basically had a nervous breakdown 3 months ago when she was still living independently 2.5 hours away from me.) She kept quizzing me and I was very open — I told her I had a really rough time because I was so worried about her, and because almost every day when I talked to her, she'd cry and/or yell at me… I told her at my very worst point, I lost about 15 pounds and could barely get out of bed, and that was when she was so mad at me about not being able to drive anymore.

At first, she was sympathetic and felt really bad. But then, wouldn't you know it, she started yelling at me again about why I wouldn't let her drive anymore! Something we resolved in March when her doctor told her no more driving!!!!

I just gave her a kiss and calmly said, "I have to go now, Mom." And she said, "Now I"M upset. Gee, maybe I should go to a psychiatrist!" Totally making fun of me like a 10-year-old! Again, I gave her a kiss and said, "I'll pick you up for church tomorrow."

Of course, my blood was boiling after this, but boy have I come a long way, thanks to therapy and medication. And now I know better. She's no longer the same mom, and we can't really talk meaningfully anymore. I'm so sad.