Actively dying

The Hospice Home Health Aide, arrived on Thursday, June 25 to give my husband a bath. He was sleepier than usual and at the end of her visit she said, “I think your husband is actively dying.” I said no, he will bounce back, he always bounces back. He’s had days like this where he just sleeps. She said I don’t think he’s going to bounce back, I’ll report this to the nurse and have her come and evaluate him. The nurse came, did her evaluation and confirmed that he was in the active dying stage.
I called the family together as well as neighbors and they all had some one-on- one time with him. The nurse advised me to give him the Oxycodone when he appeared to have pain in addition to once every eight hours. Throughout the day Friday, I tried using a warm washcloth to try and keep his eyes clean. He was agitated by that so I stopped. Eventually, only his left eye would open as the other one had crusted shut. I tried using those little sponges on a stick like a lollipop with water on it to give him a little liquid, but he didn’t want it so I just put it on his lips. I think one of the hardest parts of watching him actively die was the death rattle. This went on for probably six or seven hours and got significantly louder and more labored the closer he got to the end. The hospice nurse said that it was harder on those listening than it is on the person experiencing it. So that provided some relief.I asked her what makes that sound. She said as your body shuts down it no longer swallows because it uses all of its energy to focus on the larger organs. Your saliva collects in your throat and vibrates against your vocal cords making that terrible rattling sound

I spent the day Friday wiping his forehead with a cloth, leaning down and kissing him, and whispering in his ear how much I loved him and how lucky I was to have him as my husband.
Friday evening around 8:30PM I was pacing around and my step daughter and my sister said, “let’s go take Cody for a walk.” We did and got back around 8:50. My stepdaughter said let’s go check on dad. She was directly looking at him and I was right by his head to the left side. He opened his left eye very wide, and it was very clear and my stepdaughter squealed like a little girl and said, “I see you dad, you see me”. He tried to get up and then made a few little jerking motions, and he was gone. I bent over and kissed him and I whispered “I’ll see you later, sweetheart.”

There is no way any dr on earth outside of hospice that would provide enough pain medicine so he could stay comfortable in his last hours. I’m go glad I signed him up in April.

A lot of other things went on, but this is just what sticks out to me right now

Watching my husband, die, and watching him take his last breath made me think that there’s an oddity with birth and death. Both require labor — I watched my husband labor with death for 33 hours. I’m comforted to know that he is home with the Lord, and yes, I will see him again.