Beginning to Resent My Mom

Love your mother above all else! It's not her fault she has this terrible disease. If your mom is still trying to hug you, you need to embrace that. That will be a fleeting moment with this disease. You could ask your spouse for more support. Your friends should understand the hardships you are going through. She's your mother, above all else!

Caring for a loved one with dementia is overwhelming even in the best of circumstances. We understand how you feel. You aren't frustrated with your Mom, you are angry at the disease. You are angry that it has robbed you of so much. That's normal. Try to separate your anger at dementia from your Mom. It's not her fault. She needs your love now more than ever. Although PWD may not remember who you are or your name, I believe they remember you are someone they love and that they love you. Don't take out your frustrations on her. Get you a punching bag and write dementia on it and punch away. In reality, due to the progression of the disease, your Mom may not live long enough for you to finish school & get a good job. Try to focus on what you can do now. Work part time, school part time, look into day care for elderly in your area, and start looking into memory care facilities. Most people can't care for someone with dementia 24/7 without help. Sorry, but you may have no choice but to place her. We're here for you whenever you need to vent. Hugs. 💜

I understand completely. My situation is a bit different because it’s my husband, but the way this disease robs us of emotions is the cruelest of jokes. I think we become resistant to touch mainly because even tho everyone says that they are the same person and we should love them the same, they are not. And we know they are not. True, it is not their fault—but neither is it ours to feel like our lives are stuck in impossible situations with a person we basically don’t know, and in my case would never have married. So every day I get up almost expecting to laugh with and love him like I used to, and instead find myself trying to figure out impossible situations and trying not to say the “wrong thing” that will set him off and turn into a fight. When you live with someone whose “reasoner is broken,” as I’ve heard here, you just plain lose a part of yourself trying to live in their world. And it’s often not a sweet, “they just don’t remember” world. It’s often an angry, anxiety, soul-sucking world with someone who can no longer show anything but resentment toward you, no matter how much you do. I know that sounds really negative and sad, but sometimes we just need someone to say I see you and recognize what you’re going through too, and that it’s not just their disease. It’s yours too. And it sucks. But you’re not alone, rosecoloredglasses, this is a place where we can at least hear from others in similar situations, commiserate, and maybe take a bit of solace from that. Hang in there, just your name here says you’re a special person who has hope for a brighter day!