Switching from daughter to caregiver… resources, advice, anything?

Welcome. There is so much to do in the beginning. There is a lot to figure out. I’m so thankful moms neurologist suggested she was not safe to live alone or to drive. Without these recommendations I would have really struggled with taking these things away. She also recommended we see a lawyer as soon as possible. If you don’t think he will agree, just suggest it is something he should do because he is getting older (fib). Dementia care is expensive and it’s important to have a plan for how and what you can do. Mom was diagnosed at stage 4 and was not safe to live alone. If money is an issue (and honestly at $5,000 to $10,000 a month for care it probably is for most) you will want to talk with a lawyer about Medicaid qualifications and what it covers in your state. Some facilities can have a waiting list to get in. We waited 6 months. If a facility is your plan when he is not safe at home alone, you will want to get him on a list soon. You can usually turn down an opening and remain on the top of the list if you’re not ready. Many with dementia have anosognosia. This is an inability to recognize their symptoms and limitations. It’s very difficult and more dangerous than you might think. My mom wanted to pant the garage, mow the lawn and reupholster a couch. It can also cause anger and anxiety when they are prevented from doing things. The ability to manage finances is often a problem in the beginning. Be very very careful. Some here have horror stories of loved ones losing an entire life saving. They are so vulnerable and if they don’t see their limitations, a brand new car might seem very practical. A few things you might want to try. If it calms them down, use a fib. I know it seems wrong. Some have disabled the car and told a loved one they would take the car in for repairs. Sometimes it’s best to just do what needs to be done with out discussing it, getting their approval or even telling them at all. There is no way mom would have agreed to assisted living. I signed all the paperwork without talking to her (it wasn’t pretty when she found out). We want our loved ones to be safe and happy. Unfortunately with dementia, happy is not always possible. NEVER try to reason with a person with dementia. Even when I showed mom the results from the doctor saying she had dementia, she said the doctor didn’t know what they were doing. I eventually figured out to just never bring up dementia. Brace yourself for for always being the bad guy. Do what you need to to keep him safe even if he’s angry about it. It’s honestly like they are aging in reverse and the roles are reversed. You are now the adult keeping a parent with dementia out of trouble by restricting their activity. If you have a specific problem. Post it and see what kind of suggestions you get. You can alway search old post too. I will add a few resources that might be helpful. When we talk about stages here we use the dbat. I hope there is something helpful here.

https://www.medicaidplanningassistance.org/medicaid-eligibility-income-chart/

https://iona.org/therapeutic-fibs-ok/

What about for you? Sounds like you're doing a great job and are on the ball, but balancing both parents must be tough at times. If you feel like you have a handle on mom and dad things, are there ways you can outsource some of your chores to free up some 'me' time? Cleaning, meals, etc.?