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I'm clueless, get frustrated, worried and and and and....

mdsidoti
mdsidoti Member Posts: 7
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in Caring For a Spouse or Partner

Hi, this is the first time I've come here. I'm looking for some tactics to deal with a few situations. My wife of 31 years has been diagnosed with early onset Alz. She's 69, I'm 62. Aside from the sadness of accepting the life I thought we'd have when I retire in a few years, I'm struggling with some specific issues she has.

She will send me hurtful texts accusing me of being with numerous women, when I'm at work during the day.

I try to reassure her that I am not and that I care only for her. She gets angry and then won't answer her phone. I arrive home walking on eggshells until I know where she's at, in that moment.

The other thing is her belief she is not in our home and frequently find her packing up the bedroom stuff to take 'home'.

Any advice on a caring way to respond to these things would be appreciated. Thanks, Mark

Comments

  • Dio
    Dio Member Posts: 953
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    So sorry you have to join this group. I know you just joined but unsure of where you are at in this wretched journey. There are many helpful videos on YouTube on navigating the difficulties by Teepa Snow and Natali Edmonds/Dementia Careblazers. If you go to their channels and search on a particular topic, you'll find great advice. As each patient is different, so can the solution(s)…there won't be a cookie cutter solution. As for myself, dealing with my LO's delusions were addressed somewhat successfully by medication. Every document that required his signature was viewed as divorce papers for which he refused to sign. Those were extremely rough days until this phase passed. However, it was replaced by a new set of difficult behaviors.

    Is your wife taking medication? Have you reached out to her neurologist?

  • tboard
    tboard Member Posts: 343
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    edited August 23
    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/76913/im-clueless-get-frustrated-worried-and-and-and-and

    There is one very important rule about living with someone who has Alzheimer's. Never argue with them because when you do so you are arguing with the disease. There is no point in arguing. No one wins. It is hard to do but we need to meet them where they are. Maybe you can help your wife pack and then take her out for ice cream? Tell her you love her and you are sorry she feels that way. You know her. Figure out something to say that isn't arguing or contradicting.

  • mdsidoti
    mdsidoti Member Posts: 7
    First Comment 5 Care Reactions
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/280593#Comment_280593
    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/280586#Comment_280586

    Thank you for the response

  • mdsidoti
    mdsidoti Member Posts: 7
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    Hello, thank you all for your responses. Curious….should we be seeing a Neurologist?. We have beeen seeing a Geriatrician every 5-6 months. Also, my wife has been taking Donepezil Hydrochloride 10mg for about a year. Wondering if other meds might help. Just don’t see much out there. Anyone have success with anything else?

  • storycrafter
    storycrafter Member Posts: 288
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    Hello and welcome. Great advice already given above. Meds could certainly be of help, or at least worth trying. The geriatrician should be able to start you out with something and can refer you to a psychiatrist to manage that aspect - a psychiatrist knowledgeable about dementia, many are. When we first saw our primary care doctor for his FTD (undiagnosed at the time) the doctor immediately started my husband on a low dose of Quetiapine, referred him to a psychiatrist for fine tuning of meds (very helpful). The psychiatrist ended up referring us to a neuropsychologist for testing. The neuropsych doctor made a diagnosis and referred us to a neurologist for follow up. Other people may have different experiences with the sequencing of all that. ….. ….. It was the neuro-psychologist who was most helpful for us (very experienced with FTD-frontotemporal dementia and Alz) in determining a specific diagnosis; the psychiatrist was the most helpful regarding meds. The neurologist really wasn't much help for us and we no longer see one unless there is some drastic decline. My husband's primary care doctor now renews and manages all dh's prescriptions using the meds the other doctors ordered. ….. ….. ….. It's very helpful to have a written list of the specific behavior changes you are seeing when you speak with/see the doctors. I wish you the best. ~Helen

  • Dio
    Dio Member Posts: 953
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    Seeing a neurologist is needed via referral by the primary care physician or psychiatrist, or if the patient is admitted via a trip to the ER. It is helpful to find out what is causing the dementia. Most people just automatically blame cognition and memory issues on Alzheimer's Disease, but there are so many other possible causes of dementia. Finding the cause will help in choosing the proper medication and care plan.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more

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