I'm new here as an ALZ caregiver for my younger sister

In the little story you posted, I did not see even a hint of a complaint. I wonder if your family knows how lucky they are to have you in their lives.

Please don’t worry about the cognitive medication. It’s helpful in masking symptoms for some, does nothing for others, and has too many side effects for some. It does not slow down the progression.
As you read through posts on all the sub-forums ( general caregiver, spouse, caring for a parent), you will find lots of helpful info, support, and a sense of ‘ I’ve found my people’. You will see that neurologists can’t really do much either - so don’t worry about getting her there if she refuses.

You will also see lots of discussions about what medical treatments to continue as the disease progresses - and what not to. The reality is that advanced dementia is a miserable way to die. As they progress, some medical treatments aren’t able to be done because the patients can’t tolerate the surgery, the PT, the chemo, radiation, heart monitors, etc.

Ask her PCP if they can prescribe something for her anger, anxiety etc. If not, then see if they will refer her to a geriatric psychiatrist who can.

Many people with dementia cannot recognize that they have it. We learn here to just use general terms like ‘ memory issues or forgetfulness due to age’ - even though we know it’s more than that.

If she is 65 and has been showing symptoms for a while, it’s early onset and that tends to progress faster. You should really consider moving her to a location that you want to be in rather than moving to hers ( unless you both already live in the same locale).

Has she applied for disability yet? She’s still two years away from full retirement age.

Yes most places have a form they want in addition to the DPOA or trust document —to save them money having a lawyer read every word. They are just looking for someone to verify the document does what they will allow . AKA passing the buck to you. If your DPOA does allow what their form expects just complete and send it in .

Yes if she isn't on SSDI check with an elder law attorney to get an SS specialist attorney to see if you can retro file to get some her benefits , that could hasten getting her on Medicare there is a 2 year wait from Disability approval date last I checked.

I agree with H1235. , spending money, time and energy on the apartment is probably pointless. Since you are older than your sister a long range plan is probably better- get her situated in AL or MC then sell or rent the house depending on what pencils out best and who the heir(s) to it are . You don't want to be worried about getting help in the house if you need a break or have to have a medical procedure of your own.

With two siblings to assist, your hands will be more than full coordinating their finances, medical visits, talking with their care homes or helpers,if your brother is mentally ok but physically needs assistance in his home.

Final thought, if your haven't already, talk to the Elder law attorney about how to arrange for your siblings if something does keep you from being able to be an active DPOA & health care agent for them at some point in the future . Having their finances in a living trust would make that type of transition easy . If you don't have a relative to backstop the attorney can recommend professional conservators or fiduciaries .

And if you find that managing their affairs is too much, that you need and deserve your retirement then you'll already know vetted people to step in. It doesn't all have to fall on you.

On getting her to Dr visits etc —a head on approach won't work . That gives her something to rebel against, you can try - "its needed to keep your insurance Sis 'etc . It isn't easy and with her anger that may require meds to keep you safe - a good geriatric psych dr can prescribe meds that don't turn her into a zombie but easier to care for. And hopefully is less distressing inside her brain.

Sadly, the disease can sometimes make the PWD say cruel angry things, which stings even though it is the disease talking . And with your having devoted your young adult hood to raising them that is a double sting.

Take care , glad you found this board.

Hi Amy,

My younger sister was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's as well, so I've traveled a similar path as you.

I'm so glad you found this group too. Everyone here is so incredibly helpful, I really don't know what I would have done without this place.

I hear you about the weird purchases - my sister had a subscription for salad dressing. I had no idea such a thing was even possible. I shut that down, pronto.

We also had a "don't ask, don't tell" policy around her Alzheimer's. Per our agreement, the only time I brought up Alzheimer's was if she asked me if this was "an Alzheimer's thing". It almost always was.

The advice folks have given in this threat is great - if you can, see an elder law attorney as quickly as possible. He/she will likely have advice and expertise that we here don't have.

I'm glad you have your DPOA. I had to fill out the bank's internal form as well. I know it feels like you're spinning your wheels, but you're not. You'll be using that DPOA all the time.

Make sure you have a health care directive too because you'll be needing that every time you visit the doctor with her. My sister's geriatric psychiatrist was a godsend when it came to medications.

I hope you come back often, people here are supportive, and have a lot of experience and insights that can help.