Finding engagement for mom

Candia W · September 19

How are you guys keeping your parents engaged? I cannot watch my mother all the time and I find that she needs constant interaction.

sandwichone123 · September 19

Hi Candia, Welcome, yet sorry you need to be here. People with dementia (PWD) often do not engage much. I'm wondering what you see that makes you feel she needs constant interaction?

H1235 · September 19

Welcome. Some ideas… help you fold laundry, look through photos or sort in some way, sorting anything (buttons, socks, change), my mom likes to watch crafts, sewing clips and music on you-tube (for some following the plot on tv programs is too difficult), set the table, cut coupons. Every person with dementia is different so what works for one may not work for another. We bought my mil the adult coloring book but she never took an interest. I also agree with the post above, you might be more concerned about their lack of interaction than she is. You might also use the search on this site to look through old posts. I know this has been discussed before. The post will be dated, but the suggestions will still be good.

ARIL · September 19

Hi, Candia W. Sorry you are dealing with all this.

People with dementia must vary a lot in this arena. My dad wants constant interaction, and this has not changed even as the disease has progressed significantly. He is in a care facility now, but the demands for interaction persist. Looking at old pictures is still a favorite; I bought a digital photo frame and scanned a lot of old family photos. When he was able to visit my home, I gave him easy tasks to “help” as I cooked or folded laundry or made beds. He also likes to converse; he prefers talk about his early life and his natal family. Fortunately I learned enough of those stories that I can now tell them.

He lost interest in TV, magazines, and most books long ago. I did buy a few small paperback books specifically for dementia patients with bright, uncomplicated pictures (“Dogs,” “Birds,” “Cars,” “Bible Verses,” etc.), and he sometimes looks at those, but mostly with my guidance.

Other people will have different experiences and ideas. I know it is a challenge!

April23 · September 20

My dad never liked puzzles or crafts. He liked looking at old photos and his stamp collection. For months he enjoyed a wilderness cooking show on TV. He liked going through all the drawers in his chest and his place would let him “sort” through all his drawers and closet. He enjoyed drives in the car. He loved to sit with his caregivers while they worked in the kitchen. I agree with what works today might not work tomorrow. All the above suggestions are good, you just have to find what works. Also look for memory care “cafes” or other day programs in your area. I live in a major city and there are several good ones, you just have to do a little digging to find them.

fesk · September 20

Can you give a little more information on what her capabilities are or what stage she is in? My mother was able to stay engaged at some level until she was very advanced. How she stayed engaged changed over the years which is why it would be helpful to know what your mom is capable of doing.

Anonymousjpl123 · September 20

My mom was happy moving things around - folding her clothes (like @April23), fake cleaning, organizing, walking (even short distances), and sometimes just sitting with someone. She had anxiety before dementia so she needs a lot of people around and a lot of attention. I think some people are just like that. It may be helpful for you to find someone part time to keep her company if you can afford it, just to take the pressure off of you.

Candia W · September 21

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/282634#Comment_282634

Hello,

Most recently she lived outside of the country and was able to interact with friends and other family members. We moved her to Arizona so that we can keep a closer eye on her and get her medical treatment and she keeps on saying that she doesn't have any friends here and she has nothing to do.

Candia W · September 21

Fesk,

I don't know what stage she is in. We have an appointment schedule with the neurologist. Her memory has been getting progressive worst. She is confused about her location, date, and forgetting peoples names and family members. She has also wondered off. However, she is a very social person, and likes to interact with others. She remembers being able to walk about on her own, and go to her friends' homes and she can't do that here. I am looking for some alternatives that will help with her socialization.

ARIL · September 21

Hi, CandiaW. The DBAT tool is what most of us use to assess which stage our PWD is in. The stage is the highest one for which the person is showing symptoms. You can see it here if you are interested:

https://www.tamcummings.com/tools/

H1235 · September 21

I know it’s not for everyone, but my mom enjoyed the social aspects of assisted living. She had her own rooms and was able to come and go visiting friends (in the facility) as she pleased. At my brothers house she was alone most of the day while he worked. She still didn’t understand why she needed to be there and was quite angry with me, but, day to day I think she was happier. Maybe some kind of day program would give her some socialization. You said you are still in the process of of diagnosis, have you seen a lawyer. This is very very important. If you wait too long she will not be able to sign.

fesk · September 21

Do you think she might enjoy going to a local senior center. When my mother was in the earlier stages, she went to a local center with an aide. She made friends and could be somewhat independent in the center. There were daily activities, exercise classes, trips, entertainment, etc. The aide would bring her and assist when needed but she was also able to enjoy the company of her friends without the aide right by her side at all times. It was honestly one of the best things for my mom for years. This was not an adult day center. It was a regular senior center.

The move may be complicating some of the issues for your mom right now. Some of that may improve once she settles. The most helpful thing in our situation was a consistent routine. If you can find a way to structure your mother's days and keep it as consistent as possible, it will help her. That doesn't mean it needs to be packed with activity all the time, but having a familiar routine will let her know what to expect and keep anxiety at a minimum hopefully. My mother also enjoyed walks around the neighborhood. She helped around the home with regular things she always did. I let her do whatever she was capable of doing. We adjusted through the years in small steps as her abilities changed.

I'd recommend checking for a local center or local activities she could attend on a regular basis.

craftygalinstl · September 21

I’ve found folding, sorting and organizing helps, especially if my Mom thinks she’s helping me. When I bring my parents some groceries, I give my mom the canned soda, bottled water and juices and task her with putting it in the refrigerator. It takes her about 45 minutes, but she is content while doing it.
Also, folding towels, arranging a few silk flowers in a vase, and working on a small puzzle that’s not a kids puzzle. 35 pieces if she’s working alone, 100 pieces if I’m working with her.
My Dad loves to look at “coffee table books.” I’ve rotated through all of the ones they had at their house, so now I plan on going to the library to get them. It doesn’t even matter what the topic is, I just look for big, thick books with lots of vivid photography and images.

Finding engagement for mom

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