Is it wrong?

cwb49 · October 4

When considering a facility, is it wrong given we are not wealthy people, at this stage of my life

I do not need that type of help or assistance. Is it wrong to not want to be confined to a much smaller and restricted living space.

But then am I a banding her,

a banding her, even though I would be spending the majority of time with her., and is it harder on her to see me leave?

harshedbuzz · October 4

@cwb49

The only advice I can give you is to decide where you'll want to live in stage 8— after your DW passes— and stay there.

You will still be her advocate and caregiver but with a team to maintain the hands-on stuff while you settle back in to being her loving spouse.

Two thoughts about the daily routine once she's in MC—

You want her to join her new community and participate. That might be harder with you parked there daily for hours. Give her a choice to acclimate and bond with the people around her.

When it's time to leave "ghost" or just slip out. Excuse yourself to use the restroom, alert a staff member who can step in to redirect your wife and keep on walking. It feels wrong at first, but it spares difficult good-byes. Emotional intelligence persists well into the latest stages of the disease, long after a PWD has the reasoning skills to process emotions, so sparing them is always a kindness.

HB

Quilting brings calm · October 4

No it’s not wrong to consider staying in your own home when you place your wife. If you don’t need any help caring for yourself, then financial reasons is a good reason to only pay for her care. Wanting to keep your home after she moves to MC, a nursing home, or passes away is another good reason. Not being able to tolerate being around her 24/7 is another.

Ed's mom · October 4

We lived together on a farm for 30+ years, sold it 8 years ago, before LO was sick. cwb49, I wish we still there where she was happy and herself, I can even imagine maybe this wouldn't be happening. Our reality is we have to be in an apartment now, I can't do it alone. She needs more of my attention and I want to take care of her. I feel the same about MC, only if I can no longer do it. I made a commitment and promise, I don't think MC is abandoning your wife if you can't take care of her.

I have no experience, what everyone says makes sense about visiting and slipping out. I don't want to even think that far ahead.

It's hard dealing with these feelings isn't it cwb49, I just don't want to, I want 20 years ago.

RMremdler · October 4

I am 10 years younger than my DH and when he needs more care than I can provide at home, I will stay home and he will go to a care facility. Neither of us like it but it would be the best for both of us.

Is it wrong?

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