I am a caregiver of my husband

Welcome I’m glad you found us. A DPOA ( durable power of attorney) gives to appointed person the power to act on your husband’s behalf. This would include signing checks, moving money around signing paperwork for a facility if/when that becomes necessary. Without this you will have a difficult time of things if he refuses to go to a facility. Even now if you count on some of his income to cover living expenses and he decides not to give you access (dementia really messes with logic and reasoning) you could be in trouble. I agree that it might be best to spin the DPOA as something for the future. I would avoid mentioning any symptoms at all costs. Most people with dementia have anosognosia and they only become upset if their symptoms are pointed out to them. I would talk to a lawyer. If he refuses to sign you might need to get guardianship. But this is not a route you want to go unless you have to. A DPOA and guardianship ends upon their death. If you are worried about his daughter getting everything on his death, he would need to make a will. I’m not a lawyer, but unless there was a previous will leaving everything to the daughter, I would think as the wife it would default to you not her (I’m just guessing). But without an actual will I would expect the process to be long and possibly ugly if his daughter decides to fight you. Are you listed as beneficiary on any accounts 401k, retirement accounts? Is your name on the house along with his? These things should give you some reassurance if they are already in place. If they are not, maybe you could at least get him to add your name to the house or list you as a beneficiary on accounts?

I just wanted to add that a DPOA does not legally take any power away from the person with dementia. This really helped convince my mom to sign. To protect her I had no choice but to remove her ability to make bad decisions. Once she appointed me DPOA I took away any opportunity for her to do anything with her finances. She couldn’t drive and is old enough to not be able to use a computer. She didn’t have the phone number for the bank and couldn’t drive there. I had the address for everything changed to my home. There was a lot of anger, but the money she needed for her care was not lost to scammers or “loaned” to deadbeat relatives.

My bro who is not diagnosed yet, but I and others suspect he has memory decline . He is another "know it all", a nasty gossiper as well. Just downright mean for the most part. It's almost like he has this grandiose personality…narcissistic for sure. I did manage to get him to do a DPOA and Healthcare directive. He hasn't done a will yet, and personally I don't care if he never does it. He is still legally married to a woman he has been separated for over 25 years. When he passes, the DPOA will be null and void and with no will, I would assume she gets everything he has, which is not much. I really don't care, let her go through his things. I manage his healthcare which is more than I can handle w/o becoming overwhelmed. Thanks for letting me vent.