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From the NYT: The Lives They Led
This end-of-year article includes a section on Naomi Feil. You'll need to scroll down quite a bit to find it. https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2024/12/20/magazine/people-who-died.html?unlocked_article_code=1.jE4.z51J.efbTs9_Va8M0&smid=url-share
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Thanksgiving MC
I don’t know what to do about thanksgiving. My mom is in MC. Has been since August. She keeps bringing up Thanksgiving and my sister who usually hosts. My sister and I were hoping that bringing our families together at the MC’s Thanksgiving holiday buffet celebration would help but it hasn’t. She’s fixated on Thanksgiving…
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Is Sundowning Real?
My grandmother has early stage Alzheimer's. I live a few hours away from her, but whenever I'm on the phone at night she seems much worse. I read an article about sundowning, which apparently is some sort of disorientation thing where after the sun sets, the patient becomes much more confused. Is it real? Can't tell if…
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LO threatening to get kicked out of MC so he can live on his own.
My dad has been in MC for about 6-8 months. He was previously in two assisted living facilities, but got kicked out because he was wandering outside and getting lost (I got calls from police to pick him up). Since the last time this happened, he was moved into a brand new MC wing in the same facility. It's a nice place —…
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Need some word tracks
My Mom has been in MC for about 5 weeks. She’s not happy to be there but is slowly settling in. I live 6 hours away so most of my interactions with her are over the phone. I struggle with coming up with good answers to the same questions she asks me over and over again. “How long do I have to be here”? “Who do I talk to…
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Burnout
Today I want to rant, I’m tired and exhausted, I really thought I had a handle on all this, I love communicating and writing on this site, it balances me and helps me to understand that I am not alone but today I feel so despondent for the last few days all I want to do is cry. I don’t want this any more 7 years is enough…
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Should I share my own surgery recovery with my LO that is in assisted living?
I have been caregiving for my mom for 4 years, moved her to assisted-living two months ago. I was consistently visiting her 4 to 5 times a week to assure her she is still loved and we are not abandoning her. She has vascular dementia and is resistant to much care so she doesn’t let the assisted-living staff do hardly…
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Ok - Need advice and suggestions multiple languages
I’ve become my mom’s full time care taker a few months ago. I sold my house, remodeled their basement and moved in to stay with her. My mom was my best friend we had fun together and did mostly everything together. She is 78 and we’ve been fighting this crappy disease for 4 years; unfortunately she is getting worse.…
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Does speech therapy
I asked about occupational therapy, I should perhaps have asked about speech therapy. DH with ALZ most noticable problem is lost words.
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Auto Response
I am a caregiver and I need some communication help. How do I respond to my client without making her feel like she doesn't remember. For example when she tells a story and she just told me I don't say anything about it. I usually ask the same questions or some what different to make her feel engaged. But what do I do if…
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Type of humor that works with PWD
Doctor gave me a handout on things that helps with brain health for PWD, and it included humor. I realize it depends on the person and stage, but I suspect that "juvenile" humor works with PWD, compared to clever things that may be hard to grasp. So this may include things like simple puns, knock knock jokes or even potty…
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Out of ideas
My Mom has been in memory care almost a year now. It will be a year the first week of September. She was in AL at the same facility for about six weeks before they insisted she be moved to MC. She was wandering at night and anxious most of the time. Once in MC, there was a transition phase, but it didn't have anything to…
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Making prompting or cueing work
Prompting or cueing is defined as "Prompting refers to giving a verbal, physical, or gesture cue to indicate what the person with dementia is expected to do next". https://www.brookdale.com/en/brookdale-life/blogs/2021/use-the-prompting-technique-with-loved-ones-with-dementia.html I try to use that with a PWD when…
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Should he know he has Alzheimers?
My husband was in the doctor's office when we received the diagnosis over a year ago. Now he doesn't seem to remember that he has it. He's gone through several tests and it was confirmed. Last week he mentioned that Alzheimers must have skipped him (his mother, brother, aunt, and cousin had it). Should he be told again…
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How to redirect on a phone call
I posted this in general, but then saw the option for "long distance care", so reposted it here: My mom is in a memory care facility 3 hours away from me. Often, we have very pleasant conversations over the phone. Recently, she has been saying she is trying to call her mom/dad to pick her up and take her home (they have…
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A real conversation between MIL and DH
The movie Yours, Mine and Ours is blaring in the background. MIL is very hard of hearing so everything is always at 90% volume. ********** DH: I want you to try this cookie. It’s not too sweet. MIL: (suspiciously) What is it? DH: it’s a cookie. MIL: What? DH: A COO-KEY MIL: What’s a COO-KEY? DH: You know what a cookie is!…
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Therapeutic Lie #2
Hi everyone! This is kind of a continuation of my last post. I am trying to get my mom (60 with ALZ) in to an adult day care program, and it did not go well. Well, we didn't even get to the day care place. I took all of your guys' advice about saying it's a place where I volunteer at and have some friends I want her to…
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Separating Parents in AL - How to handle the physical move itself?
Suggestions for Thursday's move? We have to: Tell our mother (stage 6a/6b with anosognosia) we have decided that she and Daddy need separate rooms in order to receive the care they each need Respond to her confusion, frustration, fear, and anger (her symptoms manifest with great anger) Support our dad (who already knows…
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How to truly block spam phone calls
My father has dementia and is eager to talk to every telemarketer. This has the phone ringing dozens of times a day, with him wasting lots of time talking to people selling services he doesn't need. Worse, the caller is sometimes a scammer, and Dad is gullible enough that he's given away his credit card and other sensitive…
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DH is still very capable, but I am focusing on the diagnosis which frustrates him
My DH and I have been to a few doctor appointments and have been told he has some form of dementia. We're waiting on a couple more tests (hearing & sleep) before a follow-up appointment with the geriatric dementia specialist. DH says he just wants to live life and enjoy it as best he can. He admits he has memory issues -…
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What do I tell Mom when she asks to go home?
Hello, I'm new here, and new to caring for my Mother who is middle stage with dementia. Long story short, my Dad was her primary care give until he passed away suddenly about 2 months ago. He hid from the family his illness (cancer) and the extent of Mom's dementia. I live out of state, so that was pretty easy for him to…
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My mother keeps asking if her parents are alive
my mom, 75, is in the early stages of Alzheimers. She recently has been asking if her parents are alive (they both died over 25 years ago) and my dad told her that yes, they died a while ago. He didn't want to lie and didn't know what to do. My mother started crying that she didn't get a chance to say goodbye to her father…
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Mom is hitting; is it reasonable to expect an action plan?
I'm new here, struggling to find some info so any help is appreciated! - also, sorry for how long this is. Last fall, my sister and I convinced our dad to put Mom in memory care. She's advanced enough that she can't manage personal hygiene or communicate her needs effectively. Mom has this fun thing where she often has…
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Virtual Reality Experience
has anyone had any positive experiences using VR headsets with their loved ones?
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Sex is not my friend
DH has been quiet about this for several months now. All of the sudden now he wants it again (he also has ED and things were not going well before). He grabbed a beer when we got home from church and then wanted to get all frisky. Unfortunately, I made the remark that he looked like he was more worried about getting a beer…
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Unsure about my diagnosis
I had a brain scan that showed my hippocampus is at 5%, but no tau tangles so it’s not Alz. My speech is slower then it was, I forget things all the time, I have trouble with thinking things through. My emotions are ridiculous. How long before I’m lost?
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Develop a live support group for people living with dementia
I live in senior housing and have discovered that many folks here, like myself, are victims of early or moderate-stage dementia. Many don’t have relatives, so we are our only support. Does anyone have a manual on developing a live support group for people with dementia, or do you know of one? There are groups in this area…
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"lost in current time"?
Tam Cummings lists this as a late stage 5 characteristic. But I’m not quite sure what it means? Also, recently I’ve noticed that when MIL refers to “my family”, she always means her nuclear family as a child. Is this just an indication of her older memories being stronger than more recent memories? We had a recent…