Here's a new one I wasn't ready for

Pmmommie

Dad was diagnosed with VD and onsight AZ almost 4 years ago. He has been in AL for the past 6 months awaiting "home renovations" and plans to move into the home when finished (depending on the day and time of course as it changes daily for him). He's doing really well and 99% of the time he absolutely loves it and the other residents. He has companions that are with him 5 days a week and he does real well with them. There are 3 permanent scheduled and then 1 fluctuates to fill, the schedule. We have found that he doesn't do well with surprises or a varied schedule now. He's on such a set schedule that if a companion is scheduled past their usual time, he tries to send them home.

His latest DRs. appointment, he was shown to have another decline and MC is now on the table. I passed along that I was working on his staff to try to get him accustomed to his house again gradually starting with Halloween as he loves watching kids and has always been a huge donater to Children's Hospital and its affliats and a great number of other children's charities. I have his nurses lined up for an overnight just to see how he does. The Drs are very leary and have tried to explain what a huge change would do to him and even me. They want me prepared. They are going to send out an inspector to help me get every little thing in place and make sure the house is safe. Extra security has been added as far as cameras and alarms.

The problem I encountered 2 nights ago scared the "excpletive " out of me. First, the facility called around 12am. Then the 911 dispatch followed up within a couplke of minutes. The facility couldn't find him and reported him as missing. How does one go missing in a locked facility??? Apparetly, when giving his nighttime meds, he was nowhere to be found. This was around 8:30pm. When I arrived to 8 cruisers and the Executive director, I started lauching questions and suggestions. I circled the building in case he had fallen while out feeding the birds. I sent an officer acroiss the street to 2 possible places, if he remembered he had a key and how to use it. They started doing another set of rounds around his apartment. After about an hour, they found him in bed with another resident. At first his story was that she was having trouble getting to her room and asked for his help. Then it was that she looked outside to find him and asked him to sit with her because she felt uncomfortable. I don't know why he was found laying in her bed next to her. When they found him and then told him that I was here looking for him and where I was, he stormed to find me. I was confronted with, "what the f###"? What's the problem with me if I want to get some tail? I'm 20+1. By 1:30am, he was escorted back to his apartment while I had a discussion with the director on his future accommodations. The conversation was pleasant and he explained that this isn't the first time a resident has been found in this type of situation. He was a little surprised that dad had caught the love bug and with who. I went down to dad's apat and the discussion went downhill. He was embarrassed and fearful of what might be said about him. He didn't see a problem with staying with a woman that had asked him to.

My response to him was to always have his phone ior watch oin him so, he wouldn't get lost again and to stay out of others' rooms. He doesn't like unfamiliar vistors so, he shouldn't be an unfamiliar visitor especially with women.

I'm not sure if I handled it right or not. I was with him until 3am just listening and trying to respond accordingly and even trying to disengage and distract and anything else to get him off the subject.

Quilting brings calm

I agree with the doctors. Your father needs to move to MC. Moving him home will require 24/7 supervision with you picking up any and all uncovered shifts. The evening episode at the AL shows you that.

JeriLynn66

Ditto what QBC said. Memory Care is most appropriate. For both of you.

H1235

I agree with the others!

harshedbuzz

@Pmmommie

It sounds like he's a better candidate for a MCF. AL isn't designed for PWD and the kinds of behaviors he is exhibiting currently because of the disease progression. He needs the additional 24/7 well checks, supervision, failure free programing and dementia-informed care. You could do that at home, but it'll cost 2-3x what a facility does, and you'll be covering call outs and no-shows.

Does he have a lot of money/assets? If you're his POA, you need to do a deep dive into his finances and make sure he isn't being fleeced by scam charities.

https://www.charitywatch.org/