DH was admitted to the ER

LadyTexan

DH is suicidal. Its heartbreaking. He doesn't want to live like he is.

I thought I was doing a good job keeping him safe, because I got rid of the guns and ammo. I hid the knives and scissors. He went to the garage and got a sledge hammer and started pounding on the kitchen counter tops because he wanted to tear the house down. I was able to get the hammer and hide it.

Next, he started dumping gasoline all over himself. It all happened so fast. Fortunately I was able to keep all the lighters away from him.

I called 911. He is now at the ER. I am staying away because he is so very mad at me.

I HATE THIS DISEASE!!

Beachfan

My heart aches for you.  I will pray for you both.  Try to remain calm and allow the professionals to handle this crisis.  Praying that everything turns out well.  You must be exhausted; try to get some rest while he is cared for.  Please do not agree to take him home until he is safe and you are safe as well.

JoseyWales

I am so very sorry that you both are going through this. I hate this disease, and what it does to both the person who has it and those who love them.

Sending prayers.

Potsie

Lady Texan,

I am so sorry to hear this. It had to be so frightening. I also hate the disease. It destroys so much. I hope your DH can get some treatment he needs and you get the help and support you need. Praying for both of you.

Joe C.

LT, I am so sorry you are dealing with this terrifying experience. At least he is safe now, I will keep you in my prayers.

June45

LT, you were and are doing a great job keeping your husband safe. You have done everything you can do and you did the right thing calling 911.  I am so sorry you both are having to go through this ordeal.  Please keep us posted.  Prayers for you both.

ButterflyWings

(((LT))) - I am so very sorry for all that you are going through right now. I signed in, to say exactly what June said: you were, and are, doing an outstanding job of keeping you both safe through all kinds of extraordinarily challenging circumstances. All completely unpredictable and beyond your control. 

And you have been doing it with grace and gratitude for the small and big blessings amidst the horror of dementia. What a scary situation! And yet you both are alive and getting help from professionals. Holding you in my thoughts right now, with sincere wishes for safe and sustainable solutions. Add me to the list of those who truly despises this disease and what it does to all of us, PWD LOs and caregivers alike. I agree with Beachfan - if you can prioritize yourself and at least get some rest and nutrition right now, please do. You matter. We care.

Suzzin

I'm so sorry, what a horrifying and sad experience. I hope the hospital can get him sorted and on proper medication, and that you will be able to take a few days for yourself (guilt free! He is being cared for by professionals and you need care too!!).

White Crane

Dear Lady Texan, I am so sorry this has happened to you and to him!  There is no way you could have foreseen this.  I'm so glad you got to him in time!  Please don't blame yourself.  You are a wonderful caregiver and have done all you could do to keep him safe.  This disease is horrible.  Please get some rest and let the ER staff handle this crisis.  You are in my prayers.

Battlebuddy

So sorry this has happened. Who could have foreseen this? No one. You did a very good job keeping him safe. I will be praying that there is some good outcome that results from this trip to the ER. Take some rest even though I’m sure you are stressed out.

Doityourselfer

You are a great caregiver.  I hope for the best for you both.

M1

Oh, LT.  I'm so glad you called for help.  Terrible, terrible.  Keep us posted and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.  Yes, you are right to stay away until advised otherwise by the docs.

Mint

(((LadyTexan))) I am so sorry.  Thankful that you both are safe.  Will be praying that you will be blessed with the strength you need.please come and talk whenever you need too.

Quilting brings calm

Lady Texan 

You’ve done your best.  It’s like everyone else has said.... it’s the disease.  Let the professional do their thing.  Now you have to protect yourself.  Do not accept him back in your home until and unless they get him under control.   He’s reached a point where you can’t do it alone any more.  

Lorita

Lady Texan - how terrible for both of you.  Think what he must have been going through and then what you went through.  I'm thankful you were able to call for help and have them get him to the hospital.  He's being cared for now and is in the best place.  Now's the time you can rest and feel relaxed for a bit because I know you've been on edge all this time.  Rest.  As the others have said, let them take care of him and come up with a good solution.

dayn2nite2

With as many things as he’s tried, I think the gasoline is the one that may be saying he can’t be at home any longer.  Do you have a facility in mind if it comes to that?

janeymack

LT, this is so much more than any one of us can be expected to endure. Echoing everyone else who said that you could not have predicted this, and that you handled it well. Just today, I realized that I am no longer on the outside, anticipating what I read happens to other caregivers. I am there now. You are in the depths of the worst of AD now and, with gasoline coming into the picture, and the prospect of your DH killing one or both of you, his days at home have certainly come to an abrupt end. There's a reason for the phrase "don't play with fire."

I am so sorry. Please embrace this time to care for yourself. Take time to breathe, meditate, get a massage, drink wine, talk to a friend, or us; whatever it takes to get a moment to rid yourself of all of this stress, sorrow, shock, sadness, and fear of the unknown future. Then you can recharge and refresh your mind and make the best decisions for your husband and yourself.

We are here to listen. Hugs.

Jeff86

Just want to add my concern and sadness for you at the incredibly stressful experience you and your DH have had.  

I recall you saying you always have your cell phone at the ready, and I am glad you put it to use to call 911 and get your DH to the ER.  You rightly recognized that the situation had become explosively dangerous, and took the necessary action.

I hope the medical professionals are able to get your DH to a calmer, safer place.  Meanwhile, back at the ranch, time for you to rest, recover, de-stress, before you contemplate what’s next.

You have been an incredibly thoughtful and devoted caregiver.  I admire your strength, your courage, and your honesty.  Have a care for yourself now.

LadyTexan

Thank you everyone. It has been a stressful day.

As soon as an inpatient bed is available, DH will be transported to a psych hospital in San Antonio which is about an hour away. 

I hope DH receives the treatment and care he needs. He is the love of my life. It pains me to see him in so much pain.

God bless you all. Thank you again. Your thoughts and prayers are appreciated.

ladyzetta

Dear Lady,

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I think the gasoline would have been the last straw, he could have killed the both of you. You have been a wonderful outstanding loving caregiver but maybe the time has come to let the professionals take over the care and you become his wife again. 

Your life is very important so please take good care of yourself right now.

Hugs Zetta 

elruth

LT,

Praying for both you and your husband. You have been an excellent caregiver and even in the midst of all your daily trauma, you have reached out to others with comforting words. I know you have responded to my posts with kind words. I hope the Drs can advise you as to your next step. In the meantime try to get some much needed rest.

Lills

Thinking of you!  You've endured so much but seem so strong!  I hope you can take this time to rest and heal from this experience.  You more than deserve it!

Pam BH

Lady Texan, my heart is breaking for you and your DH. I echo everyone's words. Butterfly Wings said it so well. Not only did you do the right thing for your DH but your preplanning for emergencies kept you both safe. I value and trust your advice always. Your caregiving comes from the heart and love for your DH. You were patient under the blows of accusations and unfortunately are suffering for doing what's right and good. Big cyber hug your way.

harshedbuzz

I am so sorry your DH has such pain and the the two of you had to live through it. But I am grateful you had a plan in place to keep you both safe and were able to execute it when the time came. 

I hope the geripsyc admission is a positive one that can help take the edge off his anger, frustration and pain. 

Please take some time to focus on yourself and then to work on a Plan B in the event that it isn't possible to get his feelings under control enough to keep you both safe at home. When my dad started talking about how he was dying and was arranging that he and my mother would go together, I had him in the MCF of my choice within the week.

HB

David J

LT, how horrible!  I can’t add anything to what the others have said, except adding strength to the chorus of voices wishing you well. Take care of yourself while the medicos take care of him. 

Dave

French

Lady Texan I send you positive energy and friendship from France. You have done everything you could do.

LadyTexan

I am in tears reading all your well wishes. I can feel your kindness and support for both DH and me. You all lift me up when I feel I cannot take another step.

Dear sister and I did several sweeps of the house yesterday to remove any remaining potential hazards such as poisons (cleaners like bleach, Lysol concentrate) and combustibles (lighter fluid, canned air). I will lock up the meds including OTC pain killers. The gas can is gone, the sledgehammer is gone. The garden tools are gone. The pizza cutter is gone. Some of the items were deep in the garage others seemed so benign, like the pizza cutter that I never even considered the danger. So many benign seeming articles can be used as a weapon or for self harm, such as glass ware, forks, writing instruments and belts. I cannot turn our home into a completely safe bubble. I am definitely more aware now.

The law enforcement officers were prompt and professional. I was shaken when one appeared with a fully loaded shot gun. Of course, the law officers were addressing the situation as it played out. God bless them for resolving it peacefully and safely.  

I am trying to relax, but it is not easy. I can feel the stress in my body. I have a lot to think about and want to make any decisions regarding what is next with great care.

God bless you all. Thank you for listening. 

eaglemom

I can't even imagine how stressing this situation has been on you. Were you able to rest any last night? With your DH being taken care of, please choose to take this time to do nothing. The mental and physical stress your body has been going through has been off the charts. 

You'll be in my thoughts today.

eagle

Ed1937

WOW Lady! What a terrible thing to witness! I'm so sorry you are both dealing with this now. As hard as it is, I hope you can find something to be grateful for today. That seems to be helpful for you. You are a very strong person, and we're all pulling for you to get through this quickly. Hopefully they can find meds to calm him in a very short time. Just make sure he is ready to come home before you take on the caregiver's role again. Prayers coming your way.

jfkoc

I imagine that it is going to take some time for you to "recover". The fear you must have had and the adrenaline....

Try your best to get  your breath and do put yourself first right now. Your husband is safe but likely depressed and angry. You can not help with that. 

It is time for you to have your plan B at the ready. You may need it.

Please keep checking in so that we know how you  are.

abc123

I am praying for you. I am praying for him.