Neglect

junolnm

I'm not a caregiver, I'm a friend. My dear, suffering friend is neglected by her husband. He leaves her alone all day. He helps out with pills, etc., when she asks him, but she's too passive to ask for what she really needs. He's helpful, but minimally. He isn't capable of nurturing. N. needs care and attention, maybe needs to go to a memory care place. I can't talk to him, he never liked me. I only get information from N., so I don't know what to believe.

M1

Welcome to the forum. Does she have children or siblings to whom you could express your concerns? One of the issues with dementia is loss of executive function, so that she may not even be able to ask for the help that she needs or even realize when there's a problem.

Jo C.

Hello Junolnm and a very warm welcome to you. That this is a bit of a challenge is understandable and you are being a good friend and advocate. M1 gave good input. If your friend has adult children, siblings or other relatives she is close to, that may be a good starting point to reach out.

Perhaps her husband does not realize the shortcomings of the care needs or perhaps is even puzzled about what to do and has not communicated that if you do not have a good relationship with him as you have mentioned.

I would also like to suggest speaking with a professional person in regard to your concerns. This will be easy for you to do and there is no fee for the service.

The Alzheimer's Assn. has a 24 hour, 365 days a year Helpline that can be reached at, (800) 272-3900. If you call, ask the nice person answering the phone to transfer you to a Care Consultant. Remember, there is no fee for this service. Consultants are highly educated Social Workers that specialize in dementia. They are good listeners, very supportive, have good information and can often assist us with our problem solving. This may be a good way to get positive feedback on how to approach your concerns to be helpful to your friend.

With best wishes to a person who is being a very good friend,

J.