My 61 year old dad has been diagnosed with early onset dementia and I'm only 19

lauragreenie

Growing up, I was such a daddy's girl; I absolutely adored my dad and looked up to him so much. He introduced me to my love of sports and I got most of my humor and definitely my competitiveness from him. I had such an amazing relationship and I always think of him as my hero.
About 5 years ago, I started to notice a difference in his memory. He used to be so on the ball all the time and it was obvious that something had changed and I didn't know what. This was a bit before COVID and he had been asked to step down from his job, but I was too young to understand what was going on.
As time went on, my mum and I both noticed a big difference; he was forgetting stuff more easily, like his keys, but you would think that was normal.
During COVID was when I had my first suspicion of something serious. It was a daily occurrence that I would have to remind him of something which he usually wouldn't forget. But my mum and I are both overthinkers, so we used that as an excuse that everything was fine and ignored it all.
It wasn't until we got the diagnosis that it really hit; I knew he did have it, but hearing him say it broke me. I'm only 19 and I feel like I've already lost my dad. I can barely remember much before the depletion happened.
I know I have so much more time with him still, and he's still early into his diagnosis, but I can't help but think of what's coming up.
My dad lost his mum to dementia, and I remember him telling me that he would never want me to go through something like that. All I feel is sadness for him; I know he knows what's going on and going from being the head of the house to being helped every day must be so hard for him.
I am really trying to focus on what I have now with him, but I'm really struggling, so I was just wondering if anyone had any advice that might make this process a bit easier for me, or even just try and change my outlook at the moment because I just want to enjoy what I have left of him.

M1

Welcome to the forum Laura, I'm so sorry. As you may see the website has recently been changed, and this is making responses slower in coming; there used to be a fair number of folks in your same situation who posted, so hopefully they will see and respond too. You are certainly not alone.

I think your focusing on the present and the time you still have is great and the right thing. Living in the moment is all we really have, in all circumstances. I hope you are not burdened with the prospect of caring for him day to day as things progress---at nineteen you need to be focussed on starting your own life, and I can guarantee that's what your dad would want for you.

Read a lot of threads and you will learn a lot. If you have a local Alzheimer's association or chapter, or a Council on Aging, they may have ideas for you as well (I noticed the "mum"---are you in England or Australia perhaps? they will have similar organizations and perhaps local support groups they can put you in touch with as well). Good luck and hang in there. This is a very wise forum.

Emily 123

Hello Laura,

I think your approach to focus on each day in the here and now is a good one. And your description of the progression as a 'depletion' is spot on. It's very hard not to think ahead and try to plan for the future with this disease. You have to take the bright spots where you can.

Your dad obviously doesn't want your life taken over by his disease, so honor that wish by carving out some time for yourself and your interests. If you need to talk things through with a pastor or counselor, then do reach out-sometimes just talking helps. M1's suggestion is excellent-definitely take advantage of what's online, videos on Youtube, and any support organizations.

Something you can do with your dad, if it's not too challenging for him, is to ask him about his family history and stories and record those, and take some pictures too.

If he has old photos or sentimental things maybe you can sit together and make notes about what or who they are, or even organize them into a real or online photo album. Often the older memories are the most accessible. Music really touches a chord too, so maybe you can grit your teeth (haha) and listen to some of your dad's favorite music with him, or set him up with an excellent playlist. I wish you the best-- check back in here whenever you need to 🙂

Val2010

My mom has young onset as well. I took some grief counseling which sounds weird, but you grieve them before they pass. It helped me significantly.