Hello from a newbie

Galatea

My DH was diagnosed with early stage mixed dimentia ( vascular & alzheimer's) earlier this month.

It has been overwhelming and just personally heartbreaking. Trying to get support service like pt/ot set up. Also trying to get the legal stuff done too.

Just feeling extremely raw but trying to stay calm for him too. I miss our former life and mourn what we have lost and what we won't have in the future.

Denise1847

Hi Galatea,

I am so very sorry that you are needing this site. You have come to the right place as the people who participate are so helpful and supportive. I went through mourning, depression and anger. I went to counseling and it was helpful. I cope by focusing on the here and now, not looking backward and missing what we had and not looking too forward in terror of what will happen or what could have been. Of course, be prepared, as you said you are doing. The saying, "one day at a time" is my mantra and it keeps me going. I pray, walk, read and try to keep up connections with people. I hope some of these suggestions will help you.

Kalyd

I too am in this same position as my husband of 45 years was also diagnosed with early stage dementia a little over a year ago. It has impacted our marriage greatly and this is just heartbreaking to me. We used to be so happy and now almost every conversation turns into an argument. He is negative, tearful and confrontational. He has always been extremely healthy, hasn't taken a prescription medication at any time that I can recall. His heart is great, he is physically fit, very smart and creative and now he has a lot of resentment towards me for "dragging" him to the doctors because he was "sometimes forgetful". I am now depressed (on meds) and tearful most of the time. I am scared beyond belief and just don't know what to do. I miss him terribly. I'm sorry that I don't have any advice but I can definitely relate to your experience and pain

jfkoc

This is not an easy journey and loving and taking care of someone with anykind of dementia is more tha a 24/7 job. You will, however, make the journey easier by learning all you can and by coming her not only for support but for the actual sharing by those who are on or have been on the road yu find yourself.

Anger, frustration, grief and fear are just some of the emotions that can be overwhelming. I beleive that acknowledging them is the best thing to do. I also think screaming in the shower is a great release....

Stay with us, We understand and we care about you-

Judith

Dio

Galatea, Kalyd, and anyone new to the group, so sorry you have to be here, but this is the place to be if you have an LO who is suffering from dementia. You'll learn so much from members who have gone through what you are, and will be, going through. Glad to hear you're getting your legal stuff set up. I learned from this group about the importance of having DPOA, talking to an CELA attorney, and had to scurry to get things done before DH got so bad that he couldn't sign papers. Read up all you can about the disease and learn to be prepared, although no matter how prepared you may be, the ups and downs and unexpected turns will be difficult to cope with. Search here for book recommendations, links to more resources, and other threads/topics. Folks here have been invaluable to me. Come here to vent, seek advice and info, or just be. We are here to support each other!

Ed1937

Welcome to the newbies, but sorry you need us. Whatever emotions you are experiencing are normal. Once you fully accept what is happening, it will make things a little easier.

The comments about a CELA are right on the money. Please get this done soon. If you wait too long, you will be sorry. This is no time to procrastinate.

Start a new discussion for any questions you might have. You will get a lot of help and understanding here, and you will learn more here than you will from a doctor.

Here is a good link for you to read. It is not too long, but it has a lot of information in it. https://www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/210580/1/understanding-the-dementia-experience#hlangandcommun  

ImMaggieMae

Galatea, welcome to the forum you wish you didn’t have a need for. I think I learned more practical things from these forums than I did from most doctors.

my husband of 44 years actually realized he was losing his memory for a few years before things got bad. I and our friends were in denial. Once it could no longer be denied, I felt I credible sadness, anger at the situation and just plain terror. I would argue with him, yell, and cry when he would do things that he had no control over, like repeating questions over and over, and obsessive repetitive behaviors. I didn’t realize that he couldn’t understand my reasoning and thought he was just being uncooperative when he wouldn’t lift a foot off the floor so I could change his incontenence underwear. Once I got it through my thick head that he was terribly confused, frightened and that I was only making it worse, I decided to act calmly, even if I didn’t feel that way. I decided to never yell at him or argue with him again, but to act in a loving manner and speak gently with him. In the beginning, I just had to fake it til I made it. Prescribed medications also helped him, once we found the right doctors.

It made a HUGE difference. His emotions are largely a reflection of mine. I still feel very frustrated much of the time, but he sees mostly calm from me. Life will never be what it was before but we do have a lot of smiles, laughs and frequent hugs.