Irritation with Father in law/dementia + dysphagia

2parents/brain change

Hello lovely people,

My husband and I stopped into the memory care center where Father in law resides. It was about 30 minutes from lunch time.

My Father in law just wanted a hot dog in the worst way. He is, by the way, on pureed food. Anyway, I could not distract him but my husband did, so I walked out of the room and just made use of some of the lovely parlors for waiting. I strolled down to the TV area where I could watch the coronation to distract me!

The thing is, FIL has always been very demanding and always right! and today it just hit a nerve with me! The family is upset he is refusing to take a shower. Family mostly sugar coats life's difficult events so I found myself trying to be present to the situation but at the same time, trying to ignore it.

I think I am most helpful by simply supporting my husband. I wish I could visit this man pleasantly. The fact is he has an abundance of visitors. The paid health care worker that goes in daily for about 60-90 minutes to 'engage him' in meaningful activity. The daughter who visits him about 3 times a week. and a sister, once a week, and nieces and nephews.

Has anyone else found themselves in this position?

Thanks,

mommyandme (m&m)

I think it sounds like your FIL has a lot of support, which is wonderful. I also think you’re spot on in your role as simply support for your husband. Although that alone is not a simple task. No matter where you stand near this disease, it’s very difficult imo.

im sorry that you and yours find yourself on this journey!

2parents/brain change

thank you mommy and me.

It's pretty ironic just as we arrived at the memory care for FIL my mom left me a message. I did not call back as her phone calls tend to be awful! As in please come and get me. They aren't treating me right. She tried again and well, of course I called her back only to get I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO YOU KIDS!!!: translation: I am just not happy! Sigh.......she could not have it better. I'm sorry she doesn't know the truth of her situation in that regard. I often need to write about this to others, just to keep a perspective on the whole thing. Thanks again,