Moving Mom to Memory Care

Tammy17

I have been told I need to move my Mom from AL to MC because she has started wondering the halls at night. I understand why she has to move but the question is how to handle it.
The place I am moving her to, suggests to take her out for the day and when I bring her back, bring her to the new place and tell her this is where she is living now.
This seems harsh. My Mom has vascular dementia but still recognizes me and has lots of coherent times and I think she would be upset with me just moving her without any discussion. But I am afraid if I tell her ahead of time and I tell her she can't bring her dog she will just say no, I am not moving.
Does anyone have any experience with this?

Peonie60

This will be hard either way and I am truly sorry you’re dealing with this. When we moved mom to MC we followed everyone’s advice and did it in one day. My brother and dad took her to lunch and the park and my husband and I coordinated moving her stuff to her new place. There’s nothing good about moving but I think this was the easiest way for all. The transition was still awful, especially for my dad. But she came back from lunch to a lovely room with her own furniture and her favorite things all in place. Having it already set up made things a tiny bit easier. A friend that included her mom in the move to MC told me that it was a huge mistake

If it’s any comfort, mom’s room is now her comfortable place. If she’s out with us for a couple of hours, she’s so happy to get back “to home.” I recommend the book The 36 Hour Day to help you as you navigate dementia with your mom.

terei

There is nothing harsh about it. If you tell her in advance, it is just going to cause her to worry + question, argue + be agitated. Take her to the new room + when you get there, tell her a pipe broke in the old one + they are going to have to gut and remodel the whole thing.

Take the advice of people who have gone through this numerous times..the staff. It will be far easier on everyone including your LO.

no perfect answer

Hi,

i just experienced a very similar situation. My mom had only been in AL 1 month and had went on a walk further than the parking lot ( she walks for exercise regularly). (A whole other topic). They were concerned so said she had to move to MC. I had to take her home for the weekend and then when I brought her back I was told to take her to her new room. I told her she had to move to the first floor as it would be easier than using the elevator and safer. They had her come back for breakfast and leave her then. When we came back she was excited to see her friends (in AL) and couldn’t understand why she couldn’t eat breakfast with them. It was gut wrenching. She is also with it a fair amount and has a very positive demeanor. Now that constantly happy person is not as happy and doesn’t understand why she can’t always go outside when it’s nice even on the enclosed patio. It’s been hard on both of us. Everyone says she’ll get used to it. Not so sure that’s how we should be looking at it. I feel like I put her in jail and she feels punished

Anonymousjpl123

I know this day will come - maybe months, maybe years - and am starting to think about how I will handle it with my mom. In my case it’s the same building just a different floor but I still worry about it.

Based on life so far and what I have learned here from others, I will make it as easy and seamless as possible. Maybe a fiblet, not sure what yet. Getting the room set up with her stuff will be absolutely key. I don’t know yet. When the time comes, I imagine I’ll struggle with what you are: how can I move her and not tell her? My guess is by that point, it won’t matter as much.

What may help is having whatever creature comforts make her feel at home. That seems to be key; things that make her feel safe.

All of this said, it probably sucks for the person. I am grateful for this post. There is no perfect answer.