Caring for Two

KCcaring

My 92-year-old father has Alzheimer’s. My 89-year-old, visually-impaired mother has been his primary caregiver until this month. My sister and I live together a mile from their home and have seen them daily for the last couple of years. Last month while my sister was out of state, I came to their home after school and found them both on the floor. Not together, but both down. Both were conscious but neither could tell me what had happened or how long they had been on the floor. Paramedics rushed them both off to hospitals. Fortunately, no broken bones or brain bleeds. Dad was dismissed the same night. Mom stayed in hospital for a few days and the rehab to regain her strength. She was diagnosed with a raging UTI, dehydration and, we now realize, extreme sleep deprivation. Sister and I have been tag-teaming staying with Dad while giving one a chance to work, check on mom, and catch up on sleep. The man does not sleep! Two hours in a row is a miracle. Mostly it’s a matter of putting him back to bed every 20-30 minutes. Either mom had been keeping us in the dark about how bad it has become or he has spiraled with her out if the picture for so long

The tough conversations about finding MC for him have begun. Between finding the right place, figuring out financing, getting mom on board, caring for him, finding a place that will take them both (she insists on going with him) has us both overwhelmed. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated.

M1

Welcome to the forum, there are lots of folks here who are dealing with two aging parents.

It probably makes sense for them both to be in the same facility, but unless his sleep problems are addressed I would think hard about not putting them in the same room, if finances allow. She will continue to be sleep-deprived. There are probably medications that would help him (sleep fragmentation is part of the brain disease), but he may need inpatient care to get it regulated. Too bad he didn't get admitted too, maybe that's something that could still happen.

harshedbuzz

That's got to be tough.

It sounds like they may be candidates for a CCRC if you can get them in.

In your shoes, I would suggest a MC setting for dad and mom on the same campus/building in some level of assisted living or perhaps personal care. If you move them into the same unit/room, it's very likely she'll continue as his primary caregiver and suffer from his sleep disturbances.

A gentleman from my IRL support group lived in a large CCRC. Initially, he and his wife lived in a independent living apartment but as her dementia worsened, she moved into their personal care and then SNF unit. He was able to walk over to visit and also bring her to the main dining room, on some outings on their bus service and to use the pool when she was interested. It worked really well.

HB