need advice/help

TechGurl

My mom and I do not know what to do about my dad. He has been acting irrational and loses his temper a lot. I have heard him tell my mom he wants a divorce and that she is no longer his wife and I am no longer his daughter. He has repeatedly say to my mom that he wants a divorce then a few hours later he claims he never said it. He often changes his behavior. He can be nice in morning and by the evening he can be at his meanest. He never was like that when I was a child. He seems to be a very different person. He has disconnected from us and watches tv all day long. He has started to blame my mom for mundane things around the house. In June, my dad wanted to get on the roof to clear the branches and we told him not to because he might loose his balance. We stayed outside with him and when he got half way on the ladder he froze and stayed that way for ten minutes. He could not get down and said he was scared. It took both of us to help him come down safely. On Father's Day this year, he wanted to work on the table saw for a project and my mom said for him to come inside because it is too hot for him to be in the garage, he got mad and said I will do what I want. Then an hour later, he comes rushing in the house with blood on his hand saying he cut his finger. He refused the ambulance so we took him to the ER. Thankfully he kept his finger but he was really cut up. He treats the hospital staff nice and speaks to them with humor but once he is around me or my mom he talks to us in an ugly tone, yells, threatens us, bullys us and says the meanest things. On July 11, 2023, my dad was at work and he tripped on the carpet and broke his hip. He was taken to the ER again and had to have emergency surgery. When he came out of surgery, he was talking to the nurses and even ordered a huge sandwich to eat. But he did not acknowledge me or my mom. He did not look at us once! A week later we asked him if he remembers us being there in the hospital and he said no. Since he has been home recovering from hip replacement surgery, my dad does not shower for three-four days. He tells us he has but really hasn't and gets mad that we are "nagging" him.

My dad is 77 years old and he has had an EEG and it came back that he has mild cognitive impairment. We are not having any luck getting him an appointment with a neurologist. We are in desperate need of help and we do not know what to do. He has not been diagnosed officially by a doctor. My mom has been sick over the verbal abuse and threats my dad has said. Can someone provide some advice?

thank you for reading my long story.

Emily 123

Hi TechGurl,

Is your mom helping your dad with his healthcare? In other words, is she included when he goes to the doctor and is involved in the discussions? In that case she can contact his doctor, without your dad knowing, and explain the unsafe behaviors. It may be that his mild cognitive impairment needs reassessment. He might benefit from medication, and she can ask them for a referral to a neurologist. If you already have a referral and the wait for a neurologist is too long, you can see if a referral neuropsychiatrist, geriatrician, or geriatric psychiatrist might be quicker. Nonetheless, his primary care doctor could prescribe something to help manage his moods.

If your dad ends up in the ED again, your mother can tell the staff that he's verbally abusive and threatening towards her, and she feels unsafe and can't keep him safe if he's discharged home. This should trigger an admission for an assessment.

See if reading this helps understand how the disease is affecting him. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I'm sure he would be as well if he understood what's happening to him: https://www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/210580/2/understanding-the-dementia-experience/Medium,Arial,Black,White,One-and-a-Half