Ways to have a meaningful visit

lizzyt

I posted about a year ago after my mother had cataract surgery. She seemed to develop dementia over night after the surgery. She was at home till December but kept going to the neighbors house and saying bizarre things. After monthly trips to the ER for this and that, and calling 911 several times they finally admitted her and social workers wanted her to go for rehab. The place she went was bad and her physical condition deteriorated quickly. Her things were stolen, they didn't put her teeth in etc. I had to wait 4 months for a memory care opening in a very nice place. She has been there since May and her condition seems stable. My question is how do I have a better visit when I go. She doesn't talk much. Usually a couple words that don't have meaning. She doesn't walk much either, likes to just stand and hard to get her to move. I usually just sit wherever she is and do what she was doing. She does do puzzles, look at books, word cards or they are watching TV. I'm starting to feel like all the residents are family and the people who work there are friends! Sorry so long a post but thought you all might have suggestions. Thanks.

SusanB-dil

Hi lizzyt - Sorry the rehab place was awful. Maybe play some of her favorite music while helping with the puzzle. Would she enjoy a photo album from years back? She may not talk much, but you might be able to judge from reaction if she is enjoying it.

lizzyt

Thanks! I like that idea. I have a digital photo frame I could put in her room also.

MN Chickadee

That was pretty much what I did during visits with my mother. Lots of puzzles for something to do other than look at each other. I put music on to fill the silence, and you may find her favorite music gives her a little more spark. Mom liked thumbing through old photos so I made copies of decades of photos, from her childhood to current times and we would go through those together. I also brought my dog to the facility some to change it up a bit, she always had a smile for the dog and gave us something to focus on. Visiting with another family member some also helped; we would do the talking and reminiscing and I don't know how much she really understood but seemed to like being part of a normal situation like that. I kept visits frequent but short because they were hard to fill. At that phase my mother was happiest doing nothing, hard as it was to accept.

lizzyt

Thank you for sharing your experience. It is nice when someone else is there also to converse with and she does seem to be part of the conversation even if she doesn't talk. I do need to go more frequently to visit and not stay as long every time. And photos. Haven't done that yet but want to.