I am realizing that my friends,

jnd911

while trying to support me, do not truly understand my situation of having a sibling with dementia/Alzheimer's living in a far-off state, commenting "things will get worse before they get better," or "hope things look up for you soon," when there is no "getting better" or "looking up."

I think that perhaps my situation is best understood by those who have gone through or are going through similar experiences, although I would not wish that on anyone. The only bit of comfort I have is that I can usually make my sibling laugh, which feels like giving back to someone who cared for me for many years.

Do others have similar experiences?

eaglemom

Your statement is totally correct - your situation is best understood by those whom either are going through or have have gone through care for someone with dementia. Usually when people make those comments its because they want or think they have to say something to be helpful to you. Where instead, it would be better if they just gave you a hug & said nothing.

There have been several posting about the comments people say. The conclusion reached usually is they simply don't know what to say. Add in your dynamic of caring for via distance and its even more complex. A good comeback, if you will, could be that you could ask those who make the comments if they'd like to help you out. For example say your going for a quick visit next week, could you take me to the airport, that would help me so much. Or I'll be gone Thur through Sunday can you grab my mail and water my plants? That way they are helping you - so you can help your sibling.

eagle

russitabedi

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/66558/i-am-realizing-that-my-friends

I totally agree with you, my dad has advanced case of dementia & is in India & I live in California. It becomes very hard when people say, “hope your dad is feeling better & will get better soon “. These are people who know he has dementia & I have told them multiple times there is no getting better situation for him. I don’t understand why you have to make these statements just for lip service. Instead just ask “how is your dad”.

2parents/brain change

My inlaws like to ask 'How is your mom?" every time they see me. It's considered polite I think. Of course my mom is my mom. She is 93, has dementia, lives in a nursing home and constantly asks 'where is Dad'? Is he dead? i know he is dead. Well, where is he?

It's just weird but it would be more helpful if they asked about me, as I can do something about me. I can't do anything about my mom.