Using telephone

beanjar

Hello, I am new to this forum and this is my first post.

My mom who has dementia is living with my dad in assisted living. Prior to moving, she drove herself to a local salon weekly for hair styling. Since moving and at the direction of her doctor, she has stopped driving.

There is a hair salon at her assisted living facility but she continues to want to go to the other salon on a weekly basis. She isn't driving anymore. She has access to senior transportation, but my dad doesn't want to accompany her to weekly salon visits and we don't feel confident about her going alone. All of the children live outside of the area.

This is the problem: She calls the salon constantly. I am in touch with her stylist and they have been very understanding about the situation. But I would like for her to stop bothering them. She is not aware of how often she calls. I have suggested that they block her number at the salon and so far they have been unwilling to take this step. My mom has access to the phone and sometimes makes calls when my dad is out of the apartment. We don't particularly want to take phone access way from her because it's a way for her to connect with other people.

Any ideas on how to manage this situation? I have made weekly appointments at the salon where they are living and she went this week, but she constantly returns to the idea of weekly visits to the other salon. It's an obsession. Is there some kind of fib that we could tell her to break this cycle?

Ellen

Quilting brings calm

Is she making the calls from a landline or a cell phone? Is she calling the salon’s phone number from memory, a recent call list, a listed contact or a business card? If it’s the last three,I’d delete the recent call list, the contact and lose the business card.

You could tell her that her favorite stylist is booked solid for a few weeks. The stylist would have to agree if your mom continues to call her. However if your mom can’t accept the truth - that she has no way of getting there- she’s not likely to accept a fib that the stylist isn’t available either

beanjar

Thanks, this is helpful. She calls from a landline and the number may be programmed into the phone. I can talk to my dad about deleting it. I might also ask the stylist to tell the schedulers to tell my mom that she is booked -- it's worth a try. Currently they are taking 'fake' appointments but my worry is that my mom will try to go...

Jo C.

If your mother wants to have her stylist, not just the whole salon, is it possible that the stylist would be willing to visit your mother at the ALF, say; at least once a month to trim and style her hair? Would cost more, but may be worth it.

The stylist can then tell your mother that she can only do once a month and that she should go to the onsite salon the other weeks as she herself is fully booked.

It may be a way to wean her off the usual stylist IF that is something that would work IF the stylist is willing. Eventually that dynamic will extinguish itself, but I can certainly understand the frustration of trying to deal with what is present at this time.

J.

beanjar

Thank you, more great ideas!

harshedbuzz

Could you delete the phone number and tell mom the stylist retired/moved away?

beanjar

I've thought about fibbing about it in this way, but the stylists seems to want to stay in touch with my mom and my mom also has her direct number, so I don't think this would work. I'm working on a plan for the stylist to visit my mom periodically for a trim and style, as someone suggested above, and to ask the stylist's help with asking my mom to use the ALF's salon between those appointments. If the stylist goes to her, there shouldn't be any more need for mom to be calling the salon. The stylists seems open to visiting my mom at her assisted living home -- she may charge more, but that's okay.

Kathryn Mc

I have been a hairstylist for 42 years. I currently only work part time from home as I am my mom’s caregiver. There is definitely a bond that forms between hairstylist and client. Our clients become so much more than just customers and many become an extension of our families. If your mothers hairdresser is willing to come to her and do her hair I would welcome that. I have been to several assisted living’s/hospitals/rehabs/and clients homes over the years. It obviously takes more time but the rewards are worth it for both hairdresser and client. Perhaps the news of only being able to see your mom once a month ( or whatever the stylist can do) will be better received coming from the stylist/friend. Also the encouragement from your moms hairdresser to see the AL hair dresser and the promise of talking to her and letting her know how to do her hair may help put your mom at ease. ( not that the AL hair dresser needs instructions but I think it would help your mom feel more comfortable. )We are all creatures of habit. Blessings!

beanjar

Thank you, Kathryn, for this helpful perspective! They definitely have a special bond.