seeking advice, updates, met with private duty nursing/caregiving

pookabera

Hi everyone. I'm back in my dad's "good graces" -- I know he gets jealous/upset when he thinks my mom is spending time with anyone, so I was eventually going to be the target of his ire. I gave him some space and have slowly been getting back into the usual swing of things.

I've had a contact with a homecare/private duty nursing group since August and finally had her and some of her folks out to meet with my mom and me.

Does anyone have advice or experience with integrating this sort of person into the home dynamic? Especially with someone like my dad who is adamantly against having anyone in the house. Right now, we're likely just having them here a few hours 3 days a week as a "sitter" in case my mom is in a meeting and can't jump up.

They wouldn't be sitting in his room with him (that would put him over the edge immediately and it isn't necessary yet).

I know that there's a chance everything is going to be something he doesn't respond well to, but we're looking for ideas. We've considered telling him that they're helping with housekeeping, but there's a good chance he'll say that's supposed to be my mom's job. Or that they're here helping tutor Thomas (my nephew, my mom's grandson who lives with them).

The alternatives is that we don't use any fiblets and tell him that mom got a new job and needs more help with things around the house and with him.

I'm going to be working in the office again 3 days a week at some point in the not too distant future, and my mom is transitioning into a new job and company soon, so we wanted to be ahead of the curve with extra support.

Some good news: my mom was granted guardianship over my dad, just makes things feel more secure and under control.

SusanB-dil

I've seen some posts that tell their LO that they are helping the person that is coming. "The person is here because they need more credits or more experience for their degree or certification... in __" whatever field works. IE: Teaching certificate in housekeeping/home ec , or points toward degree in helping your mom with something...

Good on your good news! Sounds like at least a little bit off the plate.

pookabera

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/190809#Comment_190809

Oo that's an interesting approach! I'll mention it to my Mom. Thank you! :-)

jfkoc

any suggestion that the person is coming to take care of your father is 99.9% going to cause failure...it is all in the approach...

pookabera

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/191094#Comment_191094

That's the conclusion that we've come to, we're accepting that he's more than likely going to be angry. We've been able to mostly keep things the way he wants them, but it's not realistic 100% of the time.

SusanB-dil

"the way he wants them, it's not realistic 100% of the time." no, it isn't...

The main thing with 'this' is keeping them safe and as comfortable as possible.