Just starting at assisted living

molly_CHI

My brother and I finally moved our mom into an assisted living facility in his town where he's able to visit often. It was not an easy move and it wasn't something she wanted to do, but it needed to happen.

At first, she called me every day once or twice (or more). Then, suddenly she stopped calling. I know the transition has been difficult, but the sudden loss of contact has me worried. She's not answering when I call and, when I do get in touch, she seems less with it than she was before the move. Is this temporary? Has the move caused a precipitous decline? I can't help but feel responsible, even though I know this was the right choice.

JDancer

I'm sure others who have placed LOs will offer good advice. I'd like to congratulate you on making it through this difficult process. Transitions can be difficult for all involved.

Has she started any new meds that could be causing changes?

Candygirl

I will have to do the same soon. Thank you for sharing. Don’t feel bad, it’s for the best.

darcytg

What does your brother think?

Are you able to connect with any of the care providers where your mom is living?

So difficult. Be kind to you.

annmariev

Is your mom treating your brother different?
The transition is difficult ..it’s a major change..so allow her time to adapt.
Set a specific time in the evening & make it consistent when you know she is in her apt.
Send greeting cards (new home, thinking of you, blank with your own simple “hello”) who doesn’t like to get mail? & she will have the. Adds to look at & think of you …
Is she socializing?
Is she involved with activities?
Diet? Fluids?
Did she make a friend?
Does your brother see a change ?
Good luck …reach out if you want to further discuss..my mom has dementia & been in AL for 11 years ..I’m also a registered nurse

molly_CHI

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/194285#Comment_194285

No new meds... She had some back pain that I think was causing serious distraction. Though she's recovered from that and she's now a little more aware than she had been when she stopped calling entirely, she's not where she was before the move. I think the mental cost of learning a new system has been very heavy for her.

MamaKaley

We are about to move my mom and it’s been horrible. She cries all day everyday and I am terrified that this move is a mistake. On paper, we know it’s best but I am so worried about a decline. I pray your mom turns a corner and she feels comfort and security in her new home. Please let me know if anyone has any insight on this!

JatB

We are about to move my aunt from California to Illinois to an Assisted Living facility. Any advice? timeframe? hints? This is going to be a very tough move, as she has lived there for over 40+yrs. We are her only family here in Illinois.

Kathrin

> @MamaKaley said:
> We are about to move my mom and it’s been horrible. She cries all day everyday and I am terrified that this move is a mistake. On paper, we know it’s best but I am so worried about a decline. I pray your mom turns a corner and she feels comfort and security in her new home. Please let me know if anyone has any insight on this!



I am in the same situation, i need to move my mum 72 in a home. I live in the US but she lives in Germany still. I am an only child and no relatives left... its difficult caring long distance but i have been seeing her every 4 months and arranged trained staff to come by daily for years now. unfortunately she has declined over the last month and now doesnt recognize her reflection in the mirror anymore and gets distressed, angry, sad etc. i flew over to see her right away and its not good. i tried to keep her home for as long as possible but its no longer safe and she doesnt get the care she needs. i know she doesnt want to go, and i m sure she will decline further once there, due to the change. but she cant stay at home either and a 24/7 live in nurse will be overwhelmed...if my mum would even accept a stranger in the house. i hate this disease.

BRad97

> @JatB said:
> We are about to move my aunt from California to Illinois to an Assisted Living facility. Any advice? timeframe? hints? This is going to be a very tough move, as she has lived there for over 40+yrs. We are her only family here in Illinois.

I feel for you and your family in this new transition. My family moved my dad into an assisted living 1 1/2 years ago. I would look into events happening at the facility that you can do together and with other residents. One important take away I have learned about Alzheimer's is trying to keep their daily schedule as consistent as possible. New changes can impact our loved ones more than we might think. We took my dad to the facility a couple of times before moving him in. Hope this helps.

mommyandme (m&m)

Hi and welcome all! Sorry you’re in these situations. This disease is a disgusting, hateful thing. I want to say that this particular group for caregivers doesn’t get as much traffic as the others. There are many wise and supportive people on this forum that have experience with this mess we’re in.

I also moved my mom from her home of 60yrs across state lines to be cared for. It was difficult but well worth it. As you know, long distance caregiving is a bear to maintain and often more expensive. My brother and I did it for 2 years or so with the last 6 mos being 24/7. Just too much even though we traveled there alternately every month. I moved mom in the home next door so I don’t have experience with placement but many on the forum do.

I hope you will continue to post, possibly on “caring for a parent” and/or “Im a caregiver, general”. Any of the groups are welcoming and I just want you to feel supported.

OnlyDaughter123

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/67734/just-starting-at-assisted-living

It may be temporary. When I moved my mother into AL, she was disoriented for a time. It took about 6 months for her to settle in. Does your mom have a land line? I found with time the act of charging a cell phone became difficult for my mom. She would hide or lose the chargers and the phone would go dead. A corded land line with pictures, names and a quick dial feature helped improve communication. There are high visibility, adjustable ring volume phones that may help. Wishing you the best.