Suggestions please

hendersontracy12

Hey everybody, 1st time posting. I noticed hubby having memory loss and confusion over a year ago, he is 52. Last July, he ended up in the hospital for a week, and scans confirmed something was going on in the area of his memory and emotions. Bad short-term memory loss, can't remember places he went the same day, says he can't control negative thoughts, that they seem real to him, gets confused has to ask if certain family members are still alive, etc. Still doing more scans to try to see what is going on. In the last few months he has gotten very mad starts cussing, throwing things, calling me names, and verbally saying the meanest things. I don't take it personally and try to not trigger him in any way possible. However, when I logged onto to his email 3 weeks ago he had 3 profiles on dating sites. I calmly confronted him about it, he denied it, said I did it to set him up, and so on. I will say that the emails from the sites were unread, but he did pics, and what he is looking for and such. Later on After the angry outburst, he called and said he might have done it but didn't know why and apologized. Fast forward to yesterday when I saw he did another one after I had deleted the others, I wasn't going to mention it just delete it and go on cause he's not going to remember, his mother said something to him, and it all went crazy after that. More angry outbursts, accusing me, etc.. He texted me this morning and showed that he made me a profile on one 😠 with his email I can no longer get into, to prove I set him up. Help!! Has anyone elses loved one done these sorts of things, I feel like I'm going to lose my mind most of the time now. He will forget, and do it again, but I will always be wondering what is he up to. His mom does not want him on any meds much less a psych med .

M1

you need to curtail his internet access now. Change the password or put his computer in airplane mode, feign ignorance.

Does he have a psychiatrist? Sounds like you need one asap. His mother's preferences about medications are irrelevant.

Marta

Unless your husband’s mother has POA for him, she has no say in his treatment plan. Do YOU have POA and have you seen an elder law attorney? Don’t wait for a diagnosis to do this. Has he had neurocognitive testing? This is administered by a psychologist and can take as long as three-four hours. That is how dementia is diagnosed. From what you describe he very likely has one of the dementias, of which Alzheimer’s disease is the most prevalent.

Welcome to the forum, though I wish you didn’t need to be here. You will learn much more helpful information than from a healthcare professional, as far as how to move forward in caring for your husband and yourself.

hendersontracy12

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/201941#Comment_201941

If I try to limit his internet access he will accuse me of turning off his phone, when the ATT outage happened a bit back that was the 1st thing he said. No psychiatrist, he has had the neuropsych assessment done, the psychiatrist didn’t really share a diagnosis, just confirmed he had issues.

Iris L.

Is he working? Are there children in the home? You will have to make major changes in your lives. You need to push his PCP to not overlook a treatable medical cause. Does he have a neurologist? Please familiarize yourself with anosognosia. PWDs (persons with dementia) are usually unaware of having dementia, so they are unreliable in making decisions about care. You will have to learn to use work-arounds in order to get things done. Also read posts about driving. Keep posting.

Iris

Jgirl57

I agree with M1; curb internet access. Dating sites are pop ups and he may just be clicking on them and responding to prompts . Is he home alone during the day ? I slowly started hiding the power cords and never replaced them. It was touch and go for awhile, but now he never asks about any electronics . Psych meds for the anger is a must for him since he is having outbursts. Glad you are posting and seeking input from the forum.

hendersontracy12

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/201949#Comment_201949

I have POA. He is not working but wants to and feels like I am holding him back from working, I am not, I gave up trying to reason with him about being employed, he can not remember from moment to moment, I'm not going to stop him just let him down that road and see what he can or can not do. No kids at home, my youngest daughter and husband live with us right now, my daughter tries to keep an eye on him as much as she can, has a 2-month-old baby.

He knows that there is something wrong with his brain, They found a "spot" from an MRI back in July last year, having a PET next week. He has had about every lab test there is checking for anything that could be causing the memory, confusion, negative thoughts he can't control, and mood swings. They are coming back within normal range. He doesn't have a car right now that he can use, he was getting lost and going in circles in big cities last year, it was a nightmare being on the phone with him trying to get him back where he was supposed to be safely. Yes, he has a neuroloist, just takes months in between for appointments.

Most definitely has changed our lives.