Sex is not my friend

Sherry LD

DH has been quiet about this for several months now. All of the sudden now he wants it again (he also has ED and things were not going well before). He grabbed a beer when we got home from church and then wanted to get all frisky. Unfortunately, I made the remark that he looked like he was more worried about getting a beer than anything else, and the fight was on. he’s pissed off enough that he took off in his truck again

ButterflyWings

@Sherry LD I am sorry you are going through this. Many PWDs go through a hypersexual stage, women as well as men. And I guess like my DH's anosognosia (lack of awareness that he is impaired in any way) — they don't see that they are behaving differently.

Two things about your post concerned me: you have to worry about the unwanted sexual advances and also his driving. The 2nd one could kill someone. Given his anger, you may have to really get creative about "acting' and "fiblets", as I did. DH never knew who disappeared the keys and garage remote and disabled the car (multiple times), or how the car eventually got "disappeared".

And thankfully, I was able to delay and dodge his extra suggestive stage which was about all he did (lots of talk and leering, a little bit of extra touchy-feely for a short time, but he wasn't pushy) and I distracted him mightily with cooking, food, "oh! a phone call, "did I tell you your friend said yada yada", you are SO handsome but I'm SO tired right now", "later honey", "in the morning", "tonight, OK?", "Can't wait!" etc.

I know I was lucky that he didn't take any meds that might ramp up that hypersexuality. And he was not too pushy. If you search the topic here, you will find many threads on that issue with how some have dealt with it until that phase passed. Some have even had to request medication to dampen the urge if it gets really stressful and abusive, even "just" emotionally. Glen Campbell's wife talks about this problem in their family documentary when he was retiring due to Alzheimer's. Good luck to you in finding a solution for you both.

Here is an article on hypersexuality etc.

Here is an article on stopping the driving before someone gets hurt.

Sherry LD

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/204928#Comment_204928

thanks for those. Things did calm down when he got back and we finally had a conversation. We will see how that works out

Sherry LD

nope. New week and his theory is he behaved all weekend. Plus we are married. I have not given the “yes, for better or worse and I am still here. Nothing in our vows said anything about sex”. Not sure how to word that delicately 😳

Polkadveri

It's so tough when intimacy changes, and it feels like you're losing part of your connection. I’ve struggled with this too, and I’ve found that exploring new ways to connect emotionally and physically makes a big difference. Sometimes, stepping outside the usual routine and trying something fresh, even just in conversation, helps. A friend pointed me to tosituhma.com for ideas, and while it's not a magic fix, it did give me some perspective.

Arrowhead

My wife is in memory care so intimacy is off the table. In earlier stages it went through its ups and downs. She forgot we were married early on, but most of the time that didn’t change anything. Here are a couple of incidents you might find amusing. On one occasion as we were getting ready she said to me, “I’m a virgin.” This was after 40 years and 4 children. Another time we were in the middle of things when she said, “We should get married.” As with other aspects of this disease, things constantly change and you never know just what to expect.