My DH went to MC today

mrahope

My family and I have been thinking for a long time that because of his angry and agitated behavior DH needed a safer environment than I could provide for him at home. We had chosen a facility in February but we had to await an opening and also had difficulties getting doctors to sign off on their forms.

I will say that the way he was induced to go to the facility was unique. The nursing director had visited us once at home to assess his suitability for MC and was favorably impressed by him. However, after all of us (myself, DS and DDIL) told her about his rages, and especially after his taking a rideshare and disappearing for about 3 hours 10 days ago, she decided it would be best if she picked him up. She visited again last week with the activities director and they offered him a "consulting job" seeing "difficulty patients" at their "rehab facility". (DH was formerly a clinical psychologist). She even brought a badge. To my surprise, he accepted, although he later forgot. Then today, they came back and told him they were taking him to Starbucks and then to see the facility. He got in the car with them at mid-morning today.

I texted the nursing director later and she told me that he was so angry with her that she had to leave the building. However, he is still there and she told me this is not at all unusual. Because of his anger issues we were told to wait until next week to visit.

I feel like a bomb went off in my life today. I'm in this house all alone and just keep looking around for the next angry outburst and there's no one else there. I think this is one of the most draining experiences I've ever had in my life. But at least now I feel safer than I did each day with him.

midge333

I am glad you finally got your DH into MC. Good thoughts!

trottingalong

I’m glad this worked out and you got relief. I can only imagine how difficult this has been for you.

Quilting brings calm

I am so glad you found a facility with a nursing director that gets it. Please rest and recharge.

M1

fingers crossed for you both.

JeriLynn66

Hugs and prayers.

Dio

Take a deep breath and enjoy this alone time. Peaceful time for you may not last long if your husband's anger and outbursts aren't controlled. Wishing the best for both of you.

SSHarkey

I wish more directors were as engaged and creative in their approaches! Hats off to this woman! Now you can take a deep breath and know you are safe and he will be getting care.

Joe C.

That was certainly one of the most creative placement ploys I have heard about. I hope your husband settles in at the MC and you can settle in to your new normal.

harshedbuzz

@mrahope

The DON who came up with that fiblet clearly understands dementia. It sounds like you've chosen well.

HB

mrahope

Thanks so much for all the support. I am reveling in the "simple things" like being able to sleep without my keys under my pillow!

It seems his anger has re-emerged, but it doesn't seem to be concerning the MC staff as much. They did recommend that we not visit at least for this week, but all seem hopeful that he will adjust, as the anger was interspersed with moments of good conversation and even laughter. That being said, he still has his phone and I had to put mine on "Do not disturb" because of repeated calls/texts/voicemails. Pretty intense, but I was surely not going to pick him up, nor did I believe that MC staff didn't give him his medicine or that he hadn't eaten in two days. I personally packed his meds and gave them a complete list. He had also been seen for a brief assessment by the facility doctor.

At the moment, I'm simply enjoying not being frightened and walking on eggshells.

BPS

Placement has been bitter sweet for me. My wife has been in MC for two weeks now after two weeks in the hospital and two weeks in rehab from having a stroke. I know it is what is best and has relieved a lot of stress, but I still get sad when I walk out after visiting knowing the person that I shared my life with for almost 50 years will never come home again. I am able to go out do more things now, but I am still trying to figure out what those things will be. It has been six weeks since she has been home and I am starting to be able to think more about the good times and less about the then other times.

M1

it remains a process, even over long periods of time. Two years in there are still many days when it hits like a stab, and when the energy to do other things is just not there. lessons in patience.

Jgirl57

oh wow, that was quite the send off . I hope you are able to get some much needed rest.

ghphotog

I hope MC works out but there's an adjustment period for both of you.

SSHarkey

May I suggest that his phone is inconspicuously removed from him? It will save you a lot of heartache and force him to connect better with the people there.

mrahope

Again, thanks so much for all the support. @SSHarkey They are only allowing him to keep his phone for a few days, as residents typically can't have them. It supports the fiblet of him being a "consultant" at the facility. I don't think he has a charger, either. In the last 24 hours I've only gotten one message (at 3:43 a.m.) that asked me to bring him things like socks, underwear and tylenol. Planning to drop them there tomorrow.

SSHarkey

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/207023#Comment_207023

That’s good! I knew a friend who was constantly barraged with calls. I’m glad to hear there’s a plan in place!

Denise1847

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/206952#Comment_206952

I am so glad for you. You deserve peace. May it continue.