Being trans and caring for someone with Alzheimer's

carsonjburns95

Hey all,
I am new here and looking for some type of support, but am unsure if this is the right place?

I am a transgender person early-ish in my transition and my grandmother/best friend has been diagnosed with alzheimer's for around 2 years now. As my transition has progressed, so have her symptoms. Some of my family has requested that I stop spending time with her because it might confuse her.

I guess I am just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience or has any advice. I love her and want to care for her and help, but I don't want to make things worse or scary for her.

Jeanne C.

Hello, welcome, and I'm sorry you're having a tough time. I love that you refer to your grandmother as your best friend.

I have no real experience or expertise to offer here, other than to point out that your grandmother is going to be confused regardless.

My husband often doesn't recognize people, even those he sees regularly (even me some days). What he does recognize is how they make him feel. People who spend time talking with him, singing with him, generally treating him like a friend, get his smiles and attention. Our niece is trans and my husband sometimes uses the wrong pronouns, but out of confusion. He still absolutely loves seeing her.

I cannot imagine that your transition will make it worse for your grandma. I suspect having someone she loves caring for her and spending time with her will do her good. Prepare yourself for her to frequently not know exactly who you are - but remember that would be happening anyway.

Maybe it's those vocal family members who are confused and projecting. IMHO be you and spend time with your grandmother. Sending you strength and good wishes.

Post whenever- I think you'll find the people here to be kind and incredibly knowledgeable. I do recommend posting on the general caregiver page as this section doesn't get a lot of traffic.

harshedbuzz

@carsonjuburns95

Welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here but happy you found this place.

At a certain point, most PWD start to struggle to recognize the people in their lives. She'll likely be confused at some point anyway. Because memory is LIFO in dementia, they may be disoriented to time and mentally living in a past decade. My friend's mom didn't recognize her and believed her to be "her favorite nurse" and then she'd suggest friend and "nurse friend" should be introduced because they'd like each other. Dad remembered mom and me but used to refer to my husband of 35+ years as "that guy HB is shacking up with". He thought my son was his urologist but liked him a lot.

IMO, the more people helping and loving on your grandmother, the better. My aunt always thought I was my mom but she always happy to see me. I never corrected her, or dad.

Are the people who would restrict you from visiting her POAs or guardians? If so, they may have a legal right to limit who sees her; I would encourage you to ask them to visit this place.

HB