How to redirect on a phone call

tbranchaw

I posted this in general, but then saw the option for "long distance care", so reposted it here:

My mom is in a memory care facility 3 hours away from me. Often, we have very pleasant conversations over the phone. Recently, she has been saying she is trying to call her mom/dad to pick her up and take her home (they have been deceased several decades). When I try to redirect, she will get extremely upset and repeat, "but why did no one tell me?"… this has become a common refrain for all the things she can't remember-(that her parents died, that her husband died, that she moved from her house 10 years ago, that she actually chose her residence, etc). Since I'm not there, it's getting more and more difficult to answer her questions or redirect to another topic. I often text/call the nurse on duty to go check on her and bring her something to help calm her down-which they will always do. Any suggestions for long distance conversations? I find that sometimes I just have to hang up because she gets so upset-I tell her I'm calling my brother to have him come over and help her, which calms her sometimes, but not other times.

Finally, I'm no expert in the progression of dementia/Alz, but is the reverting to ever more early memories common? And is the level one gets upset/confused increased or decreased? I know every person is different, but I was wondering if there is a general pattern.

Woolnerd

I am curious about doing the same. I really need to know how to orient her to reality, or if I should? Hoping some others post about this.

H1235

You need to enter her reality. Don’t tell her her parents and husband have died. Tell her they are on vacation and can’t pick her up yet. Or make up something that will make sense to her in the reality she lives in. I know not being truthful seems wrong. But if you are telling the truth because you are a good person, is what you are doing good for her? You’re breaking her heart. Ask yourself why? There is no point. There is no orienting her to reality! It’s so hard. Look up therapeutic fib. You can find a lot of great info on YouTube. The general topic forum gets much more traffic and will probably get more responses.